Kristine Kochanski
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Kristine Z. Kochanski is a fictional character from the British
science fiction Science fiction (often shortened to sci-fi or abbreviated SF) is a genre of speculative fiction that deals with imaginative and futuristic concepts. These concepts may include information technology and robotics, biological manipulations, space ...
situation comedy A sitcom (short for situation comedy or situational comedy) is a genre of comedy produced for radio and television, that centers on a recurring cast of character (arts), characters as they navigate humorous situations within a consistent settin ...
''
Red Dwarf A red dwarf is the smallest kind of star on the main sequence. Red dwarfs are by far the most common type of fusing star in the Milky Way, at least in the neighborhood of the Sun. However, due to their low luminosity, individual red dwarfs are ...
''. Kochanski was the first console officer in the
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chamber on board the spaceship ''Red Dwarf''. As well as appearing in the television series, she is also a major character in the ''Red Dwarf'' novel '' Last Human''. In series 1, 2, and 6 she was played by Clare Grogan and was then played by Chloë Annett for series 7 and 8, and the 2009 special '' Back to Earth''.


Fictional history


Television


1980s

Kochanski (played by Clare Grogan) briefly appears in "
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" (1988). Later in the episode, after
Dave Lister David Lister, commonly referred to simply as Lister, is a fictional character from the British science fiction situation comedy ''Red Dwarf'', portrayed by Craig Charles. Lister is characterised as a third-class technician (the lowest ranking ...
(
Craig Charles Craig Joseph Charles (born 11 July 1964) is an English actor, comedian and radio presenter. He is best known for his roles as Dave Lister in the science fiction sitcom ''Red Dwarf'' and Lloyd Mullaney in the soap opera ''Coronation Street'' (2 ...
) is released from three million years in stasis,
Holly ''Ilex'' () or holly is a genus of over 570 species of flowering plants in the family Aquifoliaceae, and the only living genus in that family. ''Ilex'' has the most species of any woody dioecious angiosperm genus. The species are evergreen o ...
(
Norman Lovett Norman Lovett (born 31 October 1946) is a British stand-up comedian and actor best known for his portrayal of Holly, the ship's computer in ''Red Dwarf''. Career Lovett became a stand-up comedian in his thirties, initially supporting punk b ...
) confirms to Lister that Kochanski is dead following a radiation leak caused by a drive plate aboard the spaceship ''Red Dwarf'' being repaired inefficiently. Lister tells Holly that she was going to come with him as part of his plan to buy a farm in
Fiji Fiji, officially the Republic of Fiji, is an island country in Melanesia, part of Oceania in the South Pacific Ocean. It lies about north-northeast of New Zealand. Fiji consists of an archipelago of more than 330 islands—of which about ...
, but Lister never got round to telling her. In the first two series, it becomes apparent that Lister lusted after Kochanski from a distance and occasionally flirted with her but never had a relationship with her, never having had the courage to ask her out. Indeed, in " Balance of Power" (1988), Holly tells Lister that he had shared a total of 173 words with her, fewer words than he had shared with his rubber plant. In the same episode, Lister mentions that he had always been crazy about Kochanski but never acted on his feelings, and is also insecure enough to believe
Arnold Rimmer Arnold Judas Rimmer is a fictional character and one of the main characters of the science fiction sitcom ''Red Dwarf'', played by Chris Barrie. Rimmer is a second-class technician and the de facto leader of the mining ship ''Red Dwarf''. Portray ...
, posing as Kochanski (again played by Grogan), when Rimmer tells him, "I just don't like you." The Kochanski Rimmer also asks Lister why he didn't tell Kochanski about his feelings for her while she was still alive, and Lister, upon realising that "Kochanski" is in fact Rimmer in disguise, tells Rimmer that Lister and Kochanski "never made love". When Lister is revived from stasis, one of the first things he wants to do is revive Kochanski's hologram. But as the ship can only officially generate one hologram at a time, Rimmer (played by
Chris Barrie Chris Barrie (born Christopher Jonathan Brown; 28 March 1960) is a British actor and comedian. He worked as a vocal impressionist on the ITV sketch show '' Spitting Image'' (1984–1996) and as Lara Croft's butler Hillary in '' Lara Croft: ...
) refuses to allow it, and goes so far as to hide Kochanski's personality disc. In " Confidence and Paranoia" (1988), Lister, after looking through Kochanski's dream recorder, discovers that Kochanski dreamt about him three times. He believes from this that Kochanski might have been infatuated with him, too, and questions why he never asked Kochanski out. Lister (along with a physical manifestation of his confidence, played by
Craig Ferguson Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish-American actor, comedian, writer and television host. He is best known for having hosted the CBS late-night talk show ''The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson'' (2005–2014). He is the winner of ...
) hits upon an idea of how to generate two holograms at once and also deduces where Rimmer has hidden the personality discs – only to discover too late that Kochanski's personality disc has been switched for a duplicate of Rimmer's. It was originally going to be Kochanski's hologram that was generated, but as the script for " Bodysnatcher" wasn't finished, they dumped the idea and immediately came up with "
Me² "Me2" (pronounced "me, squared") is the sixth and final episode from series one of the science fiction sitcom ''Red Dwarf'', which was first broadcast on BBC2 on 21 March 1988. Written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, and directed by Ed Bye. The ...
". In a possible future seen in the episode "
Stasis Leak "Stasis Leak" is the fourth episode of the science fiction sitcom ''Red Dwarf'' series two and tenth in the series run. It premiered on the British television channel BBC2 on 27 September 1988. Written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, and directed b ...
" (1988), Lister finds out that his future self from five years hence has gone back in time and married Kochanski three weeks before the accident which causes ''Red Dwarf'' to leave the
Solar System The Solar SystemCapitalization of the name varies. The International Astronomical Union, the authoritative body regarding astronomical nomenclature, specifies capitalizing the names of all individual astronomical objects but uses mixed "Sola ...
; their wedding and honeymoon taking place while Kochanski is on planet leave at the Ganymede
Holiday Inn Holiday Inn by IHG is a chain of hotels based in Atlanta, Georgia and a brand of IHG Hotels & Resorts. The chain was founded in 1952 by Kemmons Wilson (1913–2003), who opened the first location in Memphis, Tennessee. The chain was a division ...
. This version of Lister's future has still yet to be portrayed outside of "Stasis Leak" as of 2024.


1990s

Lister's fantasy of his perfect companion in " Camille" (1991) was initially intended to be Kochanski (played by Clare Grogan once again), but it was felt that the inexplicable and implausible re-appearance of Lister's true love (or at least enduring obsession) would tip him off too early as to the true nature of the creature that
Kryten Kryten is a fictional character in the British science fiction situation comedy ''Red Dwarf''. The name ''Kryten'' is a reference to the head butler in the J.M. Barrie play ''The Admirable Crichton''. Originally referred to as a Series III mec ...
(
Robert Llewellyn Robert Llewellyn (born 10 March 1956) is a British actor, comedian, presenter and writer. He plays the Android (robot), mechanoid Kryten in the Science fiction, sci-fi television sitcom ''Red Dwarf'' and formerly presented the engineering gam ...
) rescues in the episode. The character was changed in clothing and attitude to more or less a female version of Lister, played by Suzanne Rhatigan; however, the fact that Rhatigan bore a physical resemblance to Grogan still allowed her to be identified as playing "Kochanski Camille" in the credits. A line of dialogue by Lister explicitly referencing their resemblance was ultimately cut from the broadcast episode, and later included in deleted scenes on the Series IV DVD. Kochanski's previously established history with Lister where she barely interacted with him is
retconned Retroactive continuity, or retcon for short, is a literary device in fictional story telling whereby facts and events established through the narrative itself are adjusted, ignored, supplemented, or contradicted by a subsequently published work ...
in "
DNA Deoxyribonucleic acid (; DNA) is a polymer composed of two polynucleotide chains that coil around each other to form a double helix. The polymer carries genetic instructions for the development, functioning, growth and reproduction of al ...
" (1991), when Lister mentions Kochanski having "finished with im back before the accident that killed her. Following this break up, he recalls going for a walk in the botanical gardens and looking at a squirrel, thinking, "You lucky little sod. You like your job, you're your own boss and you've got no woman trouble, so you'll never feel as bad as I feel now." This affected Lister enough for him to tell the crew of ''Red Dwarf'' that for a split second, he would have given anything to swap places with the squirrel. In " Dimension Jump" (1991), a Kochanski from a dimension where Lister is more successful is mentioned but not seen as being married to that dimension's Lister "Spanners" (also played by Craig Charles), with twin boys, Jim and Bexley. In " Psirens" (1993), while rejogging Lister's memory following Lister awakening from two hundred years of deep sleep, Kryten explicitly explains to Lister that Kochanski dated Lister for three weeks before "discard ng him for a
catering Catering is the business of providing food services at a remote site or a site such as a hotel, hospital, pub, aircraft, cruise ship, park, festival, filming location or film studio. History of catering The earliest account of major service ...
officer. Grogan returns in this episode, portraying an illusion of Kochanski created by the genetically engineered lifeforms the Psirens to tempt Lister. In "
Ouroboros The ouroboros or uroboros (; ) is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent symbolism, snake or European dragon, dragon Autocannibalism, eating its own tail. The ouroboros entered Western tradition via Egyptian mythology, ancient Egyptian iconogra ...
" (1997), Kochanski (now played by Chloë Annett) is seen crossing through a linkway originating from a parallel universe along with alternate versions of Lister, Kryten and the
Cat The cat (''Felis catus''), also referred to as the domestic cat or house cat, is a small domesticated carnivorous mammal. It is the only domesticated species of the family Felidae. Advances in archaeology and genetics have shown that the ...
(played by Charles, Llewellyn and Danny John-Jules), who agree to exchange supplies with the "Dwarfers". In a flashback set in her parallel world, Kochanski's
backstory A backstory, background story, background, or legend is a set of events invented for a plot, preceding and leading up to that plot. In acting, it is the history of the character before the drama begins, and is created during the actor's prepara ...
shows Lister returning from shore leave on Mimas to take a few days off to get over Kochanski after she broke up with him. This version of Kochanski later apologises for the Dear John letter she sent Lister the previous week. She describes her love life with Lister as having gone nowhere and amounting to "hanging out in ister'sbunk, eating delivery curries and having fantastic sex". She explains to Lister that she is back together with her ex, a chef called Tim. Kochanski discovers the unquarantined cat Lister smuggled on board and takes her, but is unable to kill her and hides her instead. Back in the present, the original Lister is shown coming to the realisation that the parallel Lister had to have died in the radiation leak that wiped out ''Red Dwarf'', and the parallel Lister explains that he was brought back as a
hologram Holography is a technique that allows a wavefront to be recorded and later reconstructed. It is best known as a method of generating three-dimensional images, and has a wide range of other uses, including data storage, microscopy, and interf ...
by that universe's version of Holly. He says that the cat was discovered, and Kochanski was the person who was punished and put into stasis instead. The original Lister also realises that the parallel Lister's relationship with Kochanski was rekindled. Kryten later tells the original Lister that after the parallel universe Lister's death, that universe's Lister was originally a soft light hologram before becoming hard light, and this made him "caring in a way that most men aren't". The linkway between universes is shown breaking apart being fired upon by a GELF spaceship, with Kochanski subsequently being left stranded on board ''Starbug'' in the original Lister's universe. Kochanski asks the living Lister to fill an in-vitro tube which already has Kochanski's DNA inside with his own, as Kochanski, the last known human from her universe, wishes to have children some day. Lister also realises that the in-vitro tube with Kochanski and Lister's genetic information is Lister himself, creating a
paradox A paradox is a logically self-contradictory statement or a statement that runs contrary to one's expectation. It is a statement that, despite apparently valid reasoning from true or apparently true premises, leads to a seemingly self-contradictor ...
where Lister is his own father and Kochanski is "me ex-girlfriend and me mum". Lister also says that at some point after his development and birth inside a uterine simulator, the baby Lister must have been sent back in time to the pub that Lister (Alexander John-Jules) is seen abandoned in the beginning of the episode. The story later skips ahead to when this happens. After being trapped with the "Dwarfers" in their universe, the alternate Kochanski adds something of a new dynamic to the show. Much of the humour in her scenes comes from the difference between her frame of reference and that of the others. Although Annett lacks Grogan's
Scottish accent Scottish English is the set of varieties of the English language spoken in Scotland. The transregional, standardised variety is called Scottish Standard English or Standard Scottish English (SSE). Scottish Standard English may be defined ...
, in " Duct Soup" (1997), Kochanski reveals that she was from the trendiest part of
Glasgow Glasgow is the Cities of Scotland, most populous city in Scotland, located on the banks of the River Clyde in Strathclyde, west central Scotland. It is the List of cities in the United Kingdom, third-most-populous city in the United Kingdom ...
(the
Gorbals The Gorbals is an area in the city of Glasgow, Scotland, and former burgh, on the south bank of the River Clyde. By the late 19th century, it had become densely populated; rural migrants and immigrants were attracted by the new industries and e ...
, according to Lister), and had spent her childhood in "Cyberschool" with perfect
computer A computer is a machine that can be Computer programming, programmed to automatically Execution (computing), carry out sequences of arithmetic or logical operations (''computation''). Modern digital electronic computers can perform generic set ...
-generated settings and perfect computer-generated friends and a
pony A pony is a type of small horse, usually measured under a specified height at maturity. Ponies often have thicker coats, manes and tails, compared to larger horses, and proportionally shorter legs, wider barrels, heavier , thicker necks and s ...
named "Trumper" before entering Space Cadet School. Her initial reaction to the meagre conditions of life aboard ''Starbug'' is one of utter despair, as well as disdain for the "Dwarfers" as inferior versions of the people she knew in her dimension. In " Epideme" (1997), Lister is infected by the Epideme virus (voiced by Gary Martin) after it transfers from the corpse of one of ''Red Dwarf''s old crewmembers, Caroline Carmen ( Nicky Leatherbarrow), into Lister's body. Kryten attempts to isolate the virus and amputate Lister's left arm in an attempt to stop the virus from killing him, but this still does not work because Kochanski makes a mistake, and as a result they are forced to amputate Lister's right arm instead. Kochanski then temporarily stops Lister's heart, and tricks the virus into jumping to Caroline's arm, which Kochanski had injected with adrenaline and blood, by making the virus think it was Kochanski's. Subsequently, Kryten restarts Lister's heart. In " Nanarchy" (1997), the crew discover Kryten's
nanobot Nanoid robotics, or for short, nanorobotics or nanobotics, is an emerging technology field creating machines or robots, which are called nanorobots or simply nanobots, whose components are at or near the scale of a nanometer (10−9 meters). ...
s in Lister's dirty washing basket, and get them to rebuild Lister's arm and turn the sandy planetoid the nanobots had converted from the atoms of ''Red Dwarf'' back to its original form. Continuing from the end of "Nanarchy", '' Back in the Red'' (1999) depicts the crew crash landing ''Starbug'' in ''Red Dwarf''s landing bay, where the deceased crew are shown having been brought back by an all new set of nanobots created by Holly after Kryten's had gone missing. After being put on trial via a scan of their minds, the original charges against Lister, Kryten, the Cat (also played by Danny John-Jules) and Kochanski are dropped, but the four members of ''Starbug'', along with Holly and a Rimmer reconstructed by the nanobots, are sentenced to the brig for two years after being found guilty of abusing classified information. In "
Cassandra Cassandra or Kassandra (; , , sometimes referred to as Alexandra; ) in Greek mythology was a Trojan priestess dedicated to the god Apollo and fated by him to utter true prophecy, prophecies but never to be believed. In modern usage her name is e ...
" (1999), Kochanski, along with the rest of the cast, are shown being signed up by Lister to the convict army the Canaries, after Holly lies to Lister that they're a singing troupe. In " Only the Good..." (1999), a corrosive and chameleonic microbe is shown eating apart ''Red Dwarf''. After Rimmer tries and fails to obtain the formula for an antidote from a "mirror universe" and not being able to find anyone on ''Red Dwarf'', a
vending machine A vending machine is an automated machine that dispenses items such as snacks, beverages, cigarettes, and lottery tickets to consumers after cash, a credit card, or other forms of payment are inserted into the machine or payment is otherwise m ...
(voiced by
Tony Slattery Tony Declan James Slattery (9 November 1959 – 14 January 2025) was a British actor and comedian. He appeared on British television regularly from the mid-1980s, including as a regular on the Channel 4 improvisation show ''Whose Line Is It Anyw ...
) informs Rimmer that everyone had crossed back into the mirror universe. The machine opening the way to the mirror universe is shown to have been destroyed by the microbe, leaving Rimmer stranded and the only crew member aboard ''Red Dwarf'' in his universe.


2000s

In '' Red Dwarf: Back to Earth'' (2009), Lister believes Kochanski to be dead, but a conversation between Lister and two children (played by Charlie Kenyon and Nina Southworth) in a hallucination caused by a female version of the despair squid, which causes joy rather than despair, reveals that her death is a cover story and that in truth she dumped Lister by fleeing ''Red Dwarf'' in a ''Blue Midget'' shuttle and that Kryten hid the truth by claiming she was sucked out of an airlock. This is later confirmed by Kryten. Annett appears briefly in the special, as a hallucination of Kochanski created by Lister's desire to be reunited with her. In the end Lister rejects the hallucination, in the hope of one day finding the real Kochanski again.


2010s

In " Fathers and Suns" (2012), a video recording of Lister is shown advising his "son" watching the video (a near-future version of Lister) that one of the things he should do after getting his life back on track is to "find Krissie", confirming that Kochanski still hasn't been found. In " Entangled" (2012), Lister mentions that he asked the BEGGs if they had seen Kochanski, but they had not. It was originally intended that the final two episodes of Series X would see the reintroduction of Kochanski, but production problems meant that the plan had to be ditched, with replacement stories found at short notice.Behind the Scenes - Series X - Writing
, www.reddwarf.co.uk, retrieved 17 February 2013


Novels

The backstory with Kochanski is different in the novel '' Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers'' (1989). In the book, she seems somewhat more intelligent and witty, is learning
Japanese Japanese may refer to: * Something from or related to Japan, an island country in East Asia * Japanese language, spoken mainly in Japan * Japanese people, the ethnic group that identifies with Japan through ancestry or culture ** Japanese diaspor ...
in her spare time, and holds her own against arrogant young officers. Lister has a brief but intense relationship with her, spending most of the time in her quarters making love and watching '' It's a Wonderful Life'', their favourite movie. Kochanski, however, reveals she is still hooked on her ex-and-future boyfriend Tim, a catering officer. She was dating Lister on the rebound, and goes back to Tim, leaving Lister heartbroken. It is Kochanski's rejection of him that leads Lister to his plan to be caught with his cat Frankenstein and be sent to stasis for the rest of the trip, resulting in Lister being the sole survivor of the radiation leak. Kochanski also appears prominently in the ''Red Dwarf'' novel '' Last Human'' (1995), written by
Doug Naylor Douglas Rodger Naylor (born 31 December 1955) is an English comedy writer, science fiction writer, director and television producer. Life and career Naylor was born in Manchester, Lancashire, England, and studied at Chetham's School of Music ...
. In the novel, following being reunited with Lister as an aged couple in a world where time runs backwards (following the death of Dave Lister in the "real" universe), Kochanski and Lister have entered into a loving relationship with each other. Now part of the ''Red Dwarf'' crew, Kochanski is in a clear position of authority as the highest-ranking member of the crew – a fact that Rimmer clearly resents (having been robbed of what minuscule authority ''he'' could claim in that position), although the others either appreciate or at least do not mind due to her clear intelligence and competence. The novel ends with Kochanski and Lister, stranded on an idyllic world in an unknown parallel universe, attempting to start a family with help from the Luck virus.


Casting and development

Liverpudlian actress Alexandra Pigg was originally cast in the role of Kochanski, but was unavailable for new recording dates following an electrician's strike, so the part then went to Glaswegian actress and lead singer of the new wave band
Altered Images Altered Images is a Scottish New wave music, new wave/post-punk band who found success in the early 1980s. Fronted by singer Clare Grogan, the group branched into mainstream pop music, having six UK top-40 hit singles and three top-30 albums ...
, Clare Grogan.
Stage manager Stage management is a broad field that is generally defined as the practice of organization and coordination of an event or theatrical production. Stage management may encompass a variety of activities including overseeing of the rehearsal proce ...
Dona DiStefano briefly portrays Kochanski near the end of "
Stasis Leak "Stasis Leak" is the fourth episode of the science fiction sitcom ''Red Dwarf'' series two and tenth in the series run. It premiered on the British television channel BBC2 on 27 September 1988. Written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, and directed b ...
" (1988). In a behind the scenes interview on the Bodysnatcher DVD set, DiStefano says that Clare Grogan had only been scheduled to appear in the pre-recorded scenes and not in the studio scenes. DiStefano has no lines, and her face is mostly obscured by the brim of a hat. Chloë Annett had auditioned for a role on the second series of '' The 10%ers''. Although she didn't get the part, she was kept in mind when a new actor for Kochanski was sought after for series VII, after " was felt that Clare Grogan was more of a 'presenter' now, and perhaps wasn't right to play the part as a regular character." According to the official ''Red Dwarf'' website, the ''Red Dwarf'' movie was "more likely to go ahead" at the time with the introduction of a female character, and Kochanski's inclusion "had been likely to happen" even if
Chris Barrie Chris Barrie (born Christopher Jonathan Brown; 28 March 1960) is a British actor and comedian. He worked as a vocal impressionist on the ITV sketch show '' Spitting Image'' (1984–1996) and as Lara Croft's butler Hillary in '' Lara Croft: ...
's character of
Arnold Rimmer Arnold Judas Rimmer is a fictional character and one of the main characters of the science fiction sitcom ''Red Dwarf'', played by Chris Barrie. Rimmer is a second-class technician and the de facto leader of the mining ship ''Red Dwarf''. Portray ...
didn't leave ''Red Dwarf'' around the same time Annett had joined the show. Annett's portrayal of Kochanski was more explicitly posh. In the Series 8 episode ''Pete: Part 1'' a young Kochanski was played by Holly Earl. In the unaired pilot for the American version of ''Red Dwarf'', ''Christine'' Kochanski was played by Elizabeth Morehead.


Notes


References


External links

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kochanski, Kristine Television characters introduced in 1988 Red Dwarf characters Fictional astronauts Fictional people from Glasgow Scottish female characters in television