Narcissistic Wound
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In
psychology Psychology is the scientific study of mind and behavior. Its subject matter includes the behavior of humans and nonhumans, both consciousness, conscious and Unconscious mind, unconscious phenomena, and mental processes such as thoughts, feel ...
, narcissistic injury, also known as narcissistic wound or wounded ego, is emotional
trauma Trauma most often refers to: *Psychological trauma, in psychology and psychiatric medicine, refers to severe mental and emotional injury caused by distressing events *Traumatic injury, sudden physical injury caused by an external force, which doe ...
that overwhelms an individual's
defense mechanism In psychoanalytic theory, defence mechanisms are unconscious psychological processes that protect the self from anxiety-producing thoughts and feelings related to internal conflicts and external stressors. According to this theory, healthy ...
s and devastates their
pride Pride is a human Emotion, secondary emotion characterized by a sense of satisfaction with one's Identity (philosophy), identity, performance, or accomplishments. It is often considered the opposite of shame or of humility and, depending on conte ...
and
self-worth Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth, abilities, or morals. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, "I am loved", "I am worthy") as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. Smith and Mackie ...
. In some cases, the
shame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion often associated with negative self-evaluation; motivation to quit; and feelings of pain, exposure, distrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. Definition Shame is a discrete, basic emotion, d ...
or disgrace is so significant that the individual can never again truly feel good about who they are. This is sometimes referred to as a "narcissistic scar".
Freud Sigmund Freud ( ; ; born Sigismund Schlomo Freud; 6 May 1856 – 23 September 1939) was an Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis, a clinical method for evaluating and treating pathologies seen as originating from conflicts in t ...
maintained that "losses in love" and "losses associated with failure" often leave behind injury to an individual's self-regard.


Signals of narcissistic injury

A narcissistic injury will oftentimes not be noticeable by the subject at first sight. Narcissistic injuries, or narcissistic wounds, are likely a result of criticism, loss, or even a sense of abandonment. Those diagnosed with
narcissistic personality disorder Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of grandiosity, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathy, empathize w ...
will come off as excessively defensive and attacking when facing any sort of criticism. While the average person would likely react by expressing vulnerability, a person dealing with a narcissistic wound will do the opposite, causing them to come off as narcissistic, despite feeling hurt inside. The reaction of a narcissistic injury is a cover-up for the real feelings of one who faces these problems. To others, a narcissistic injury may seem as if the person is
gaslighting Gaslighting is the manipulation of someone into questioning their perception of reality. The term derives from the 1944 film ''Gaslight (1944 film), Gaslight'' and became popular in the mid-2010s. Some mental health experts have expressed c ...
or turning the issue back onto the other person. A person may come off as manipulative and aggressive because they refuse to accept anything they are told that they do not want to hear. It is important for those dealing with narcissistic wounds to make it clear to those whom they attack with their words that this is indeed a disorder, even when it takes the form of an insult towards another person. Children who are taught that failure leads to less love and affection are more likely to become obsessed with perfection and are more likely to develop narcissistic personality disorder. The importance of self-love and unconditional love when raising children can help show them that their feelings are valid, no matter the situation, and regardless of how well or poorly they perform.
Sigmund Freud Sigmund Freud ( ; ; born Sigismund Schlomo Freud; 6 May 1856 – 23 September 1939) was an Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis, a clinical method for evaluating and treating psychopathology, pathologies seen as originating fro ...
's concept of what in his last book he called "early injuries to the self (injuries to narcissism)" was subsequently extended by a wide variety of
psychoanalysts PsychoanalysisFrom Greek: and is a set of theories and techniques of research to discover unconscious processes and their influence on conscious thought, emotion and behaviour. Based on dream interpretation, psychoanalysis is also a talk ther ...
.
Karl Abraham Karl Abraham (; 3 May 1877 – 25 December 1925) was an influential German psychoanalyst, and a collaborator of Sigmund Freud, who called him his 'best pupil'. Life Abraham was born in Bremen, Germany. His parents were Nathan Abraham, a Jewish ...
saw the key to adult depression in the childhood experience of a blow to
narcissism Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others. Narcissism, named after the Greek mythological figure ''Narcissus'', has evolv ...
through the loss of
narcissistic supply In psychoanalytic theory, narcissistic supply is attention or admiration that is pathologically or excessively needed from codependents, or such a need in the orally fixated, that does not take into account the feelings, opinions or preferences of ...
.
Otto Fenichel Otto Fenichel (; 2 December 1897, Vienna – 22 January 1946, Los Angeles) was an Austrian psychoanalyst of the so-called "second generation". He was born into a prominent family of Jewish lawyers. Education and psychoanalytic affiliations Otto ...
confirmed the importance of narcissistic injury in depressives and expanded such analyses to include borderline personalities.
Edmund Bergler Edmund Bergler ( ; ; July 20, 1899 – February 6, 1962) was an Austrian-born American psychoanalysis, psychoanalyst whose books covered such topics as childhood development, mid-life crises, loveless marriages, gambling, self-defeating behaviors, ...
emphasized the importance of infantile omnipotence in narcissism, and the rage that follows any blow to that sense of narcissistic omnipotence;
Annie Reich Annie Reich (; ; 9 April 1902 – 5 January 1971) was a Viennese-born psychoanalyst who became a leading analytic theorist in post-war New York. Life Born Annie Pink to a wealthy Jewish family, Annie Reich took a degree in medicine from 1921 to ...
stressed how a feeling of shame fueled rage, when a blow to narcissism exposed the gap between one's ego ideal and reality; while
Jacques Lacan Jacques Marie Émile Lacan (, ; ; 13 April 1901 – 9 September 1981) was a French psychoanalyst and psychiatrist. Described as "the most controversial psycho-analyst since Sigmund Freud, Freud", Lacan gave The Seminars of Jacques Lacan, year ...
linked Freud on the narcissistic wound to Lacan on the narcissistic mirror stage. Finally,
object relations theory Object relations theory is a school of thought in psychoanalytic theory and psychoanalysis centered around theories of stages of ego development. Its concerns include the relation of the psyche to others in childhood and the exploration of re ...
highlights rage against early environmental failures that left patients feeling bad about themselves when childhood omnipotence was too abruptly challenged. # Becoming defensive. When a narcissist's feelings are hurt, they are likely to react with hostility and tend to hold grudges. This is due to having a poor understanding of the emotional responses towards others. They lack empathy when hurting others' feelings due to their thought processing. They do not like confrontation. It is their high ego that needs to be fulfilled but deep down the cause of it is due to insecurities within themselves. When a narcissist's wants are challenged, they can act out through anger. This can stem from experiences of abuse, so they project their internalized trauma onto others. # Narcissists lack self confidence, which projects on to relationships. Jealousy roots in neurotic insecurity. Examples of possessiveness include jealousy of a person's attention being taken away by another, and thoughts of worry that someone will take one's partner away. Their high sense of possessiveness root from a high degree of jealousy. Their possessiveness may lead them to be abusive towards their partners and friends, as well. # Withdrawal can trigger an emotional reaction when a narcissist experiences a major setback. This collapse competes against the external validation they think they are entitled to and in return causes them emotional pain that they express as rage. A setback causes them to feel intensely frustrated. # Extreme mood swings. Rages of outburst or silence are commonly seen in people with narcissistic personality disorder. Some experiences that can affect this are threats to their self-esteem or when they are not given the attention or wants they think they deserve. Mood swings may be triggered when a narcissist's perception is confronted with contrary beliefs and so may respond with anger. # Feelings of power imbalance. Narcissists tend to suffer from strong feelings of inferiority and so have a hard time convincing themselves that they have achieved enough. A narcissist only demands what they want without concern for the other. In a relationship, the partner of the narcissist may experience
gaslighting Gaslighting is the manipulation of someone into questioning their perception of reality. The term derives from the 1944 film ''Gaslight (1944 film), Gaslight'' and became popular in the mid-2010s. Some mental health experts have expressed c ...
, ghosting, and manipulation.


Perfectionism

Narcissists are often pseudo-perfectionists and create situations in which they are the center of attention. The narcissist's attempts at being seen as perfect are necessary for their grandiose
self-image Self-image is the mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change, that depicts not only details that are potentially available to an objective investigation by others (height, weight, hair color, etc.), but also items that ...
. If a perceived state of perfection is not reached, it can lead to
guilt Guilt most commonly refers to: *Guilt (emotion), an emotion that occurs when a person feels that they have violated a moral standard *Culpability, a legal term *Guilt (law), a legal term Music * ''Guilt'' (album), a 2009 album by Mims * "Guilt" ( ...
,
shame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion often associated with negative self-evaluation; motivation to quit; and feelings of pain, exposure, distrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. Definition Shame is a discrete, basic emotion, d ...
,
anger Anger, also known as wrath ( ; ) or rage (emotion), rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong, uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, hurt, or threat. A person experiencing anger will often experie ...
or
anxiety Anxiety is an emotion characterised by an unpleasant state of inner wikt:turmoil, turmoil and includes feelings of dread over Anticipation, anticipated events. Anxiety is different from fear in that fear is defined as the emotional response ...
because the subject believes that they will lose the admiration and love of other people if they are imperfect. Because some children are raised to believe that love is conditional, obsession with being perfect becomes routine for them. As a result, when failing in any aspect of life, the child will feel as if they are no longer accepted, causing a narcissistic injury. Examples of reasons why children would show narcissistic injury due to perfectionism include failing exams, losing in competitions, being denied acceptance, disagreement in conversation with others, and constructive criticism. Behind such perfectionism,
self psychology Self psychology, a modern psychoanalytic theory and its clinical applications, was conceived by Heinz Kohut in Chicago in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s, and is still developing as a contemporary form of psychoanalytic treatment. In self psychology, t ...
would see earlier traumatic injuries to the grandiose self. Research findings indicate that grandiose narcissists uphold a version of perfection, expect unreasonable things from others, and work toward unrealistic ambitions. The findings also imply that vulnerable narcissists intentionally foster an idea of infallibility while concealing flaws in order to appease others' perceived demands.


Treatment

Adam Phillips has argued that, contrary to what common sense might expect, therapeutic cure involves the patient being encouraged to re-experience "a terrible narcissistic wound" – the child's experience of exclusion by the parental alliance – in order to come to terms with, and learn again, the diminishing loss of omnipotence entailed by the basic "facts of life".


Criticism

Wide dissemination of psychiatrist
Heinz Kohut Heinz Kohut (; May 3, 1913 – October 8, 1981) was an Austrian-born American psychoanalyst best known for his development of self psychology, an influential school of thought within psychodynamic/psychoanalytic theory which helped transform the ...
's concepts may at times have led to their trivialization.
Neville Symington Neville Symington (3 July 1937 - 3 December 2019) was a member of the Middle Group of British Psychoanalysts which argues that the primary motivation of the child is object-seeking rather than drive gratification. He published a number of books ...
points out that "You will often hear people say, 'Oh, I'm very narcissistic,' or, 'It was a wound to my narcissism.' Such comments are not a true recognition of the condition; they are throw-away lines. To really recognize narcissism in oneself is profoundly distressing and often associated with denial."


See also

*
Defense mechanism In psychoanalytic theory, defence mechanisms are unconscious psychological processes that protect the self from anxiety-producing thoughts and feelings related to internal conflicts and external stressors. According to this theory, healthy ...
*
Humiliation Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being Humility, humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It is an emotion felt by a person whose social status, either by force or willingly, has ...
* Narcissistic mortification *
Narcissistic withdrawal In psychology, narcissistic withdrawal is a stage in narcissism and a narcissistic defense characterized by "turning away from parental figures, and by the fantasy that essential needs can be satisfied by the individual alone". In adulthood, it is ...


References


Further reading

*Cooper J & Maxwell N. ''Narcissistic Wounds: Clinical Perspectives'' (1995) *Levin JD. ''Slings and Arrows: Narcissistic Injury and Its Treatment'' (1995) {{DEFAULTSORT:Narcissistic Injury Narcissism Psychoanalytic terminology