A narcissistic parent is a

parent A parent is either the progenitor of a child or, in humans, it can refer to a caregiver or legal guardian, generally called an adoptive parent or step-parent. Parents who are progenitors are First-degree relative, first-degree relatives and have ...

affected by

narcissism Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others. Narcissism, named after the Greek mythological figure ''Narcissus'', has evolv ...

narcissistic personality disorder Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of grandiosity, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathy, empathize w ...

. Typically, narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children's growing independence. Narcissistic parents are self-absorbed, often to the point of

grandiosity In psychology, grandiosity is a sense of superiority, uniqueness, or invulnerability that is unrealistic and not based on personal capability. It may be expressed by exaggerated beliefs regarding one's abilities, the belief that few other peopl ...

. They also tend to be inflexible and lack the

empathy Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another person's perspective, to understand, feel, and possibly share and respond to their experience. There are more (sometimes conflicting) definitions of empathy that include but are ...

necessary for child raising.

Characteristics

Narcissism, as described in

Sigmund Freud Sigmund Freud ( ; ; born Sigismund Schlomo Freud; 6 May 1856 – 23 September 1939) was an Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis, a clinical method for evaluating and treating psychopathology, pathologies seen as originating fro ...

’s clinical study, includes behaviors such as self-aggrandizement, self-esteem, vulnerability, fear of failure, fear of losing people's affection, reliance on defense mechanisms, perfectionism, and interpersonal conflict. To maintain their self-esteem and protect their vulnerable true selves, narcissists seek to

control Control may refer to: Basic meanings Economics and business * Control (management), an element of management * Control, an element of management accounting * Comptroller (or controller), a senior financial officer in an organization * Controlling ...

others' behavior, particularly that of their children, whom they view as extensions of themselves. Thus, narcissistic parents may speak of "carrying the torch", maintaining the family image, or making the mother or father proud. They may reproach their children for exhibiting weakness, being too dramatic, being selfish, or not meeting expectations. Children of narcissists learn to play their part and to show off their special skills, especially in public or for others. Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently needing to be the focus of attention,

exaggerating Exaggeration is the representation of something as more extreme or dramatic than it is, intentionally or unintentionally. It can be a rhetorical device or figure of speech, used to evoke strong feelings or to create a strong impression. Ampl ...

, seeking compliments, and putting their children down.

Punishment Punishment, commonly, is the imposition of an undesirable or unpleasant outcome upon an individual or group, meted out by an authority—in contexts ranging from child discipline to criminal law—as a deterrent to a particular action or beh ...

in the form of

blame Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, or making negative statements about an individual or group that their actions or inaction are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible fo ...

criticism Criticism is the construction of a judgement about the negative or positive qualities of someone or something. Criticism can range from impromptu comments to a written detailed response. , ''the act of giving your opinion or judgment about the ...

emotional blackmail The term emotional blackmail was popularized by psychotherapist Susan Forward about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the pe ...

, and attempts to induce

guilt Guilt most commonly refers to: *Guilt (emotion), an emotion that occurs when a person feels that they have violated a moral standard *Culpability, a legal term *Guilt (law), a legal term Music * ''Guilt'' (album), a 2009 album by Mims * "Guilt" ( ...

may be used to ensure compliance with the parent's wishes and fuel their need for

narcissistic supply In psychoanalytic theory, narcissistic supply is attention or admiration that is pathologically or excessively needed from codependents, or such a need in the orally fixated, that does not take into account the feelings, opinions or preferences of ...

Children of narcissists

Narcissism tends to play out intergenerationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or codependent children. While a

self-confident Confidence is the feeling of belief or Trust (social science), trust that a person or thing is reliable. * * * Self-confidence is trust in oneself. Self-confidence involves a positive belief that one can generally accomplish what one wishes t ...

parent, or good-enough parent, can allow a child autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child to promote their own image. A parent concerned with

self-enhancement Self-enhancement is a type of motivation that works to make people feel good about themselves and to maintain self-esteem. This motive becomes especially prominent in situations of threat, failure or blows to one's self-esteem. Self-enhancement in ...

, or with being

mirrored ''Mirrored'' is the debut studio album by American experimental rock band Battles. It was released on May 14, 2007 in the United Kingdom, and on May 22, 2007 in the United States. ''Mirrored'' marked the first album in which the band incorporate ...

and admired by their child, may leave the child feeling like a puppet to the parent's emotional and intellectual demands. Some common issues in narcissistic parenting result from a lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing. This may lead to a child feeling empty, feeling insecure in loving relationships, developing fears, mistrusting others, experiencing identity conflict, and developing commitment issues.

Short-term and long-term effects

Because of their vulnerability, children are extremely affected by the behavior of a narcissistic parent. A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding children and being the primary decision-maker in a child's life, becoming overly

possessive A possessive or ktetic form (Glossing abbreviation, abbreviated or ; from ; ) is a word or grammatical construction indicating a relationship of possession (linguistics), possession in a broad sense. This can include strict ownership, or a numbe ...

and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control weaken the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of the parent. This may affect the child's imagination and level of curiosity, and the child often develops an

extrinsic In science and engineering, an intrinsic property is a property of a specified subject that exists itself or within the subject. An extrinsic property is not essential or inherent to the subject that is being characterized. For example, mass i ...

style of motivation. This heightened level of control may be due to the narcissistic parent's need to maintain the child's dependence on them. Narcissistic parents are quick to anger, putting their children at risk for physical and

emotional abuse Emotions are physical and mental states brought on by neurophysiological changes, variously associated with thoughts, feelings, behavioral responses, and a degree of pleasure or displeasure. There is no scientific consensus on a definit ...

. To avoid anger and punishment, children of abusive parents often resort to complying with their parent's every demand. This affects both the child's well-being and ability to make logical decisions on their own, and as adults, such individuals often lack

self-confidence Confidence is the feeling of belief or trust that a person or thing is reliable. * * * Self-confidence is trust in oneself. Self-confidence involves a positive belief that one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do in the future. Sel ...

and the ability to gain control over their lives. Identity crisis, loneliness, and struggle with self-expression are also commonly seen in children raised by a narcissistic parent. The struggle to discover one's self as an adult stems from the substantial amount of

projective identification Projective identification is a term introduced by Melanie Klein and then widely adopted in psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Projective identification may be used as a type of defense, a means of communicating, a primitive form of relationship, or a ...

that the now adult experiences as a child.

Mental health effects

Studies have found that children of narcissistic parents have significantly higher rates of depression and lower self-esteem during adulthood than those who did not perceive their caregivers as narcissistic. The parent's lack of empathy towards their child contributes to this, as the child's desires are often denied, their feelings restrained, and their overall emotional well-being ignored. Children of narcissistic parents are taught to submit and conform, causing them to lose touch of themselves as individuals. This can lead to the child possessing very few memories of feeling appreciated or loved by their parents for being themselves, as they instead associate the love and appreciation with conformity. Children may benefit with distance from the narcissistic parent. Some children of narcissistic parents resort to leaving home during

adolescence Adolescence () is a transitional stage of human Developmental biology, physical and psychological Human development (biology), development that generally occurs during the period from puberty to adulthood (typically corresponding to the age o ...

if they grow to view the relationship with their parent(s) as toxic. The results of a prior study indicated that narcissistic parenting behaviours have an impact on children's self-esteem far into adulthood. A lot of respondents also mentioned that they needed the approval or affirmation of others in order to feel competent or deserving, and some said that their sense of self depended entirely on how "successful" they perceived themselves to be in terms of their appearance, social life, or academic or professional accomplishments. Respondents also mentioned how these consequences affected their friendships and romantic relationships as adults, and one participant raised concern for how these effects would affect her children.

Characteristics

Children of narcissists

Short-term and long-term effects

Mental health effects

See also

References

Further reading