Melissa Febos is an American writer and professor. She is the author of the memoirs ''Whip Smart'' (2010) and ''The Dry Season'' (2025) and the essay collections ''Abandon Me'' (2017), ''Girlhood'' (2021), and ''Body Work'' (2022).

Early life and education

Febos grew up in Falmouth, Massachusetts. Her father was a sea captain, and her mother a therapist. She left home at 16 after passing the GED, moved to

Boston Boston is the capital and most populous city in the Commonwealth (U.S. state), Commonwealth of Massachusetts in the United States. The city serves as the cultural and Financial centre, financial center of New England, a region of the Northeas ...

, and worked at an assortment of jobs including as a boatyard hand and as a chambermaid. She attended night courses at Harvard Extension School, then enrolled in The New School and moved to

New York City New York, often called New York City (NYC), is the most populous city in the United States, located at the southern tip of New York State on one of the world's largest natural harbors. The city comprises five boroughs, each coextensive w ...

in August 1999. She later earned an MFA at

Sarah Lawrence College Sarah Lawrence College (SLC) is a Private university, private liberal arts college in Yonkers, New York, United States. Founded as a Women's colleges in the United States, women's college in 1926, Sarah Lawrence College has been coeducational ...

Career

Febos is the author of ''Whip Smart'' (St Martin's Press 2010), a

memoir A memoir (; , ) is any nonfiction narrative writing based on the author's personal memories. The assertions made in the work are thus understood to be factual. While memoir has historically been defined as a subcategory of biography or autob ...

of her work as a professional

dominatrix A dominatrix ( ; or dominatrices ), or domme, is a woman who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities. The BDSM practice is called female dominance, or femdom. A dominatrix can be of any sexual orientation, but this does not necessarily l ...

while she was studying at The New School.Alyssa Fetini Friday, Inside the Secret World of a Dominatrix,

Time Magazine ''Time'' (stylized in all caps as ''TIME'') is an American news magazine based in New York City. It was published weekly for nearly a century. Starting in March 2020, it transitioned to every other week. It was first published in New York Cit ...

, March 19, 2010 Her second book, the lyric essay collection ''Abandon Me'', was published by

Bloomsbury Publishing Bloomsbury Publishing plc is a British worldwide publishing house of fiction and non-fiction. Bloomsbury's head office is located on Bedford Square in Bloomsbury, an area of the London Borough of Camden. It has a US publishing office located in ...

on February 28, 2017. ''Abandon Me'' was a LAMBDA Literary Award finalist and a Publishing Triangle Award finalist, and one of the best reviewed books of 2017. Her third book and second essay collection, ''Girlhood'', was published by

on March 30, 2021. It was a national bestseller. Describing ''Girlhood'', ''The New York Times'' wrote, "The aim of this book, though, is not simply to tell about her own life, but to listen to the pulses of many others’...This solidarity puts “Girlhood” in a feminist canon that includes Febos’s idol, Adrienne Rich, and Maggie Nelson’s theory-minded masterpieces: smart, radical company, and not ordinary at all." A craft book, ''Body Work'', was published by Catapult in 2022. Febos was the co-curator, with Rebecca Keith, of the monthly Mixer Reading and Music series on the

Lower East Side The Lower East Side, sometimes abbreviated as LES, is a historic neighborhood in the southeastern part of Manhattan in New York City. It is located roughly between the Bowery and the East River from Canal to Houston streets. Historically, it w ...

for ten years. A four-time MacDowell Colony fellow, she has received fellowships from Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, Vermont Studio Center, and the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference. Her essays have won awards from '' Prairie Schooner'' and '' StoryQuarterly'', and for five years she was on the Board of Directors of Vida: Women in Literary Arts. Febos has contributed to publications such as ''

The New York Times ''The New York Times'' (''NYT'') is an American daily newspaper based in New York City. ''The New York Times'' covers domestic, national, and international news, and publishes opinion pieces, investigative reports, and reviews. As one of ...

'', ''

The Paris Review ''The Paris Review'' is a quarterly English-language literary magazine established in Paris in 1953 by Harold L. Humes, Peter Matthiessen, and George Plimpton. In its first five years, ''The Paris Review'' published new works by Jack Kerouac, ...

'', ''Salon'', ''Bomb'', ''Hunger Mountain'', ''Prairie Schooner'', '' The Kenyon Review'', '' Tin House'', ''

Granta ''Granta'' is a literary magazine and publisher in the United Kingdom whose mission centres on its "belief in the power and urgency of the story, both in fiction and non-fiction, and the story's supreme ability to describe, illuminate and make ...

'', '' Post Road'', ''Dissent'', ''Vogue'', ''The Believer'', '' The Sewanee Review'', ''Bitch Magazine'' and '' The Chronicle of Higher Education.'''Whip Smart': Memoirs Of A Dominatrix, NPR, March 8, 2010
Interview
/ref> Febos has taught at SUNY Purchase College, the Gotham Writers' Workshop, The New School,

New York University New York University (NYU) is a private university, private research university in New York City, New York, United States. Chartered in 1831 by the New York State Legislature, NYU was founded in 1832 by Albert Gallatin as a Nondenominational ...

, and Utica College. Until 2020, she was an Associate Professor and MFA Director at Monmouth University.Wayne D. McMurray School of Humanities and Social Sciences
/ref> Febos currently works as a Full Professor at the

University of Iowa The University of Iowa (U of I, UIowa, or Iowa) is a public university, public research university in Iowa City, Iowa, United States. Founded in 1847, it is the oldest and largest university in the state. The University of Iowa is organized int ...

, where she teaches in the Nonfiction Writing Program.

Media

''Whip Smart'' resulted in a front-page appearance on the cover of the ''

New York Post The ''New York Post'' (''NY Post'') is an American Conservatism in the United States, conservative daily Tabloid (newspaper format), tabloid newspaper published in New York City. The ''Post'' also operates three online sites: NYPost. ...

'', a feature interview on NPR's radio program '' Fresh Air'' with Terry Gross, a guest appearance on Anderson Cooper's talk show, and an appearance on CNN's '' Dr. Drew'' show. ''Abandon Me'' was one of the best reviewed essay collections of 2017 and a Lambda Literary Award finalist. ''

The New Yorker ''The New Yorker'' is an American magazine featuring journalism, commentary, criticism, essays, fiction, satire, cartoons, and poetry. It was founded on February 21, 1925, by Harold Ross and his wife Jane Grant, a reporter for ''The New York T ...

'' called it "mesmerizing" and wrote that "the sheer fearlessness of the narrative is captivating." ''Girlhood'' was featured on ''

Morning Joe ''Morning Joe'' is an American morning news talk show, which airs weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. Eastern Time Zone, Eastern Time on the cable news channel MSNBC. It features former United States House of Representatives, US Repr ...

'' on

MSNBC MSNBC is an American cable news channel owned by the NBCUniversal News Group division of NBCUniversal, a subsidiary of Comcast. Launched on July 15, 1996, and headquartered at 30 Rockefeller Plaza in Manhattan, the channel primarily broadcasts r ...

, and on multiple NPR programs. ''Girlhood'' won the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism. Her fourth book, ''Body Work'', was a national bestseller and ''

Los Angeles Times The ''Los Angeles Times'' is an American Newspaper#Daily, daily newspaper that began publishing in Los Angeles, California, in 1881. Based in the Greater Los Angeles city of El Segundo, California, El Segundo since 2018, it is the List of new ...

'' Bestseller.

Personal life

Febos identifies as

queer ''Queer'' is an umbrella term for people who are non-heterosexual or non- cisgender. Originally meaning or , ''queer'' came to be used pejoratively against LGBTQ people in the late 19th century. From the late 1980s, queer activists began to ...

. She lives in Iowa with her wife, the poet Donika Kelly. She spoke at House of SpeakEasy's Seriously Entertaining program about her childhood and rethinking often-normalized experiences of bullying.

Awards

* 2010 MacDowell Colony Fellowship * 2011 MacDowell Colony Fellowship * 2012 Bread Loaf Writers Conference Fellowship * 2013 The Prairie Schooner Creative Nonfiction Prize * 2013 The Barbara Deming Memorial Fund fellowship * 2014 Virginia Center for Creative Arts Residency * 2014 A Story Quarterly Essay Prize * 2014 MacDowell Colony Fellowship * 2015 The Center for Women Writers Creative Nonfiction Prize * 2015 Lower Manhattan Cultural Council Process Space residency * 2015 Vermont Studio Center fellowship * 2017 Ragdale Residency * 2018 The Sarah Verdone Writing Award, Lower Manhattan Cultural Council * 2018

Lambda Literary Award Lambda Literary Awards, also known as the "Lammys", are awarded yearly by Lambda Literary Foundation, Lambda Literary to recognize the crucial role LGBTQ+ writers play in shaping the world. The Lammys celebrate the very best in LGBTQ+ literatur ...

finalist in Memoir/Biography * 2018 The Publishing Triangle finalist for the Judy Grahn Award for Lesbian Nonfiction * 2018 Lambda Literary's Jeanne Córdova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction * 2018 BAU Institute fellowship at The Camargo Foundation * 2018 Vermont Studio Center fellowship * 2020 MacDowell Colony Fellowship * 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award in criticism *2022

National Endowment for the Arts The National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) is an independent agency of the United States federal government that offers support and funding for projects exhibiting artistic excellence. It was created in 1965 as an independent agency of the feder ...

Literature Fellowship * 2022

Guggenheim Fellowship Guggenheim Fellowships are Grant (money), grants that have been awarded annually since by the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Foundation, endowed by the late Simon Guggenheim, Simon and Olga Hirsh Guggenheim. These awards are bestowed upon indiv ...

in Nonfiction

Bibliography

* * * * *

References

External links

* {{DEFAULTSORT:Febos, Melissa 1980 births Living people American women bloggers American bloggers American dominatrices BDSM writers People from Falmouth, Massachusetts Sarah Lawrence College alumni The New School alumni Writers from Massachusetts American women journalists Monmouth University faculty 21st-century American non-fiction writers Harvard Extension School alumni Bisexual women writers Bisexual academics American women academics 21st-century American women writers American bisexual writers National Book Critics Circle Award winners