
In
BDSM
BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in ...
, limits refer to issues that participants in a
play
Play most commonly refers to:
* Play (activity), an activity done for enjoyment
* Play (theatre), a work of drama
Play may refer also to:
Computers and technology
* Google Play, a digital content service
* Play Framework, a Java framework
* P ...
scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities. Participants typically
negotiate an outline of what activities will and will not take place. The participants describe what they desire, do not desire, will and will not tolerate, including the determination of limits. For example, it is common to set a
safeword
In BDSM, a safeword is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a person to communicate their physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. Some safewords are use ...
and to establish certain types of play as prohibited.
The BDSM usage of the terminology "limits" derives from the concept of "off limits", the idea of limiting a scene to a specific set of activities, and the limitations (in terms of interest, as well as physical and emotional tolerance) of the participants.
Setting limits
Both
dominants and
submissives can set limits.
Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated into a formal contract. Sometimes the participants engage in a formal conversation about limits and boundaries; this is referred to as
negotiation
Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties to reach the desired outcome regarding one or more issues of conflict. It is an interaction between entities who aspire to agree on matters of mutual interest. The agreement c ...
. Other couples discuss their likes and dislikes in a similar manner to "
Vanilla
Vanilla is a spice derived from orchids of the genus ''Vanilla (genus), Vanilla'', primarily obtained from pods of the Mexican species, flat-leaved vanilla (''Vanilla planifolia, V. planifolia'').
Pollination is required to make the p ...
" relationships.
"No limits"
Some partners choose not to set limits; however, this is uncommon and most likely to be seen in established relationships between committed partners. It may occur in
total power exchange dynamics and can be considered a form of
edgeplay. In wider kink and BDSM circles, especially in the context of casual play, “no limits” is commonly accepted to be an indication of an unsafe play partner.
Types of limits
The terminology varies slightly across different local communities and Internet forums. However, there are general usages recognized across most BDSM populations.
Hard limit
A hard limit is something that must not be done. This is so because it is essentially something which makes the party in question very uncomfortable or something which would invoke a triggered response from them. Violating a set hard limit is often considered cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Examples include “
scat is a hard limit for me” or “I have a back injury, so striking on the back is a hard limit”.
Soft limit
A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they may still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except under specific circumstances or an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also include actions that require a cautious approach or — while somewhat appealing — still generate an uncomfortable amount of apprehension in one or more partners.
Requirement limit
A requirement limit, or must-limit, is something without which one or more partners will not participate in the scene. Examples include “lots of hair pulling is a must-limit for me” or “if you're going to flog me, I'll need lots of
aftercare
Aftercare is the care and treatment of a convalescent patient.
You may be looking for:
*Convalescence
*Patient
* Treatment
*Hospital
*Surgery
*BDSM
See also
* Recidivism
Recidivism (; from ''recidive'' and ''ism'', from Latin ''recidī ...
.”
Time limit
A time limit is a set time period for which an activity or temporary relationship takes place. This is most common for
scenes and casual
play
Play most commonly refers to:
* Play (activity), an activity done for enjoyment
* Play (theatre), a work of drama
Play may refer also to:
Computers and technology
* Google Play, a digital content service
* Play Framework, a Java framework
* P ...
.
Some couples practice time limitations for relationships. They can be used to set time limits on phases of relationships, such as training or consideration.
See also
*
Glossary of BDSM
This glossary of BDSM (an initialism for ''bondage'', ''discipline'', ''domination'', ''submission'', ''sadism'', and ''masochism'') terms defines terms commonly used in the BDSM community.
BDSM activities are described as ''play'' in BDS ...
References
Further reading
*
Gloria G. Brame
Gloria Brame (born August 20, 1955) is an American sexologist, writer and sex therapist based in Athens, Georgia. She is a member of the American College of Sexologists, and clinical sexologist. Her sex therapy practice specializes in consensual ...
, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs. ''Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission.'' New York: Villard Books, 1993. .
* Philip Miller and Molly Devon, ''Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism.'' Mystic Rose Books, 1995. .
{{BDSM
BDSM terminology