"I've Never Met a Nice South African" is a

satirical Satire is a genre of the visual arts, visual, literature, literary, and performing arts, usually in the form of fiction and less frequently Nonfiction, non-fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ...

song A song is a musical composition performed by the human voice. The voice often carries the melody (a series of distinct and fixed pitches) using patterns of sound and silence. Songs have a structure, such as the common ABA form, and are usu ...

originating in a sketch on the British television series ''

Spitting Image ''Spitting Image'' is a British satirical television puppet show, created by Peter Fluck, Roger Law and Martin Lambie-Nairn. First broadcast in 1984, the series was produced by 'Spitting Image Productions' for Central Independent Television ...

'' (series 2, episode 5). It was written by John Lloyd and Peter Brewis and was sung by Andy Roberts. In 1986 it was commercially released as the

B-side The A-side and B-side are the two sides of phonograph record, vinyl records and Compact cassette, cassettes, and the terms have often been printed on the labels of two-sided music recordings. The A-side of a Single (music), single usually ...

of the chart-topping "

The Chicken Song "The Chicken Song" is a novelty song by the British satirical comedy television programme ''Spitting Image'' (series 3, episode 6). The nonsensical lyrics were written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor; the music was written by Philip Pope, who also ...

". When the song was recorded,

South Africa South Africa, officially the Republic of South Africa (RSA), is the Southern Africa, southernmost country in Africa. Its Provinces of South Africa, nine provinces are bounded to the south by of coastline that stretches along the Atlantic O ...

was still under the

apartheid Apartheid ( , especially South African English: , ; , ) was a system of institutionalised racial segregation that existed in South Africa and South West Africa (now Namibia) from 1948 to the early 1990s. It was characterised by an ...

regime and widely considered to be a

pariah state A pariah state (also called an international pariah or a global pariah) is a nation considered to be an outcast in the international community. A pariah state may face international isolation, sanctions or even an invasion by nations who find i ...

as a result. The song is narrated in the

music video A music video is a video that integrates a song or an album with imagery that is produced for promotion (marketing), promotional or musical artistic purposes. Modern music videos are primarily made and used as a music marketing device intended to ...

by a seasoned expatriate traveller who describes a number of experiences that are unlikely ("I met a man in

Kathmandu Kathmandu () is the capital and largest city of Nepal, situated in the central part of the country within the Kathmandu Valley. As per the 2021 Nepal census, it has a population of 845,767 residing in 105,649 households, with approximately 4 mi ...

who claimed to have two willies"), fantastical ("I've seen

unicorn The unicorn is a legendary creature that has been described since Classical antiquity, antiquity as a beast with a single large, pointed, spiraling horn (anatomy), horn projecting from its forehead. In European literature and art, the unico ...

s in

Burma Myanmar, officially the Republic of the Union of Myanmar; and also referred to as Burma (the official English name until 1989), is a country in northwest Southeast Asia. It is the largest country by area in Mainland Southeast Asia and ha ...

and a

Yeti The Yeti ()"Yeti"
. ''Random House Webster's Unabridged Dictionary''. is an ape-like creature purported t ...

Nepal Nepal, officially the Federal Democratic Republic of Nepal, is a landlocked country in South Asia. It is mainly situated in the Himalayas, but also includes parts of the Indo-Gangetic Plain. It borders the Tibet Autonomous Region of China Ch ...

"), absurd ("I've had a

close encounter In ufology, a close encounter is an event in which a person witnesses an unidentified flying object (UFO) at relatively close range, where the possibility of mis-identification is presumably greatly reduced. This terminology and the system of cla ...

of the 22nd kind, that's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind"), nonsensical ("I've danced with ten foot

pygmies In anthropology, pygmy peoples are ethnic groups whose average height is unusually short. The term pygmyism is used to describe the phenotype of endemic short stature (as opposed to disproportionate dwarfism occurring in isolated cases in a po ...

"), outright impossible ("I've had sunstroke in the

Arctic The Arctic (; . ) is the polar regions of Earth, polar region of Earth that surrounds the North Pole, lying within the Arctic Circle. The Arctic region, from the IERS Reference Meridian travelling east, consists of parts of northern Norway ( ...

and a swim in

Timbuktu Timbuktu ( ; ; Koyra Chiini: ; ) is an ancient city in Mali, situated north of the Niger River. It is the capital of the Tombouctou Region, one of the eight administrative regions of Mali, having a population of 32,460 in the 2018 census. ...

"), or humorously defy stereotypes (" 've met a working Yorkshire miner") to a bored bartender (

Lord Lucan Richard John Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan (born 18 December 1934 – disappeared 8 November 1974, declared dead 27 October 1999), commonly known as Lord Lucan, was a British peer and gambler who vanished in 1974 after being suspected of killing ...

), stressing at the end of each verse that, despite all these exotic experiences, he has never met a nice South African. The chorus is sung by a number of gun-toting

white South African White South Africans are South Africans of European descent. In linguistic, cultural, and historical terms, they are generally divided into the Afrikaans-speaking descendants of the Dutch East India Company's original colonists, known as Afr ...

s and a sheep, out on

safari A safari (; originally ) is an overland journey to observe wildlife, wild animals, especially in East Africa. The so-called big five game, "Big Five" game animals of Africa – lion, African leopard, leopard, rhinoceros, African elephant, elep ...

wearing

Springbok The springbok or springbuck (''Antidorcas marsupialis'') is an antelope found mainly in south and southwest Africa. The sole member of the genus (biology), genus ''Antidorcas'', this bovid was first Species description, described by the Germa ...

jerseys, who bluntly describe themselves in a variety of insulting ways, such as "arrogant bastards who hate

black people Black is a racial classification of people, usually a political and skin color-based category for specific populations with a mid- to dark brown complexion. Not all people considered "black" have dark skin and often additional phenotypical ...

", "ignorant loud-mouths with no sense of humour" and "talentless murderers who smell like

baboon Baboons are primates comprising the biology, genus ''Papio'', one of the 23 genera of Old World monkeys, in the family Cercopithecidae. There are six species of baboon: the hamadryas baboon, the Guinea baboon, the olive baboon, the yellow ba ...

s". As the song progresses, dead animals are piled up on their Land Rover and the

barman A bartender (also known as a barkeep or barman or barmaid or a mixologist) is a person who formulates and serves alcoholic or soft drink beverages behind the bar, usually in a licensed establishment as well as in restaurants and nightclubs, b ...

becomes ever sleepier before collapsing on the floor. In the closing verse, the South African chorus names writer and anti-apartheid activist

Breyten Breytenbach Breyten Breytenbach (; 16 September 193924 November 2024) was a South African writer, poet, and painter. He became internationally well-known as a dissident poet and vocal critic of South Africa under apartheid, and as a political prisoner of ...

, exceptionally, as "quite a nice South African" who has "hardly ever killed anyone", and says "that's why we put him in prison". At the time Breytenbach had, as the song points out, been living in

exile Exile or banishment is primarily penal expulsion from one's native country, and secondarily expatriation or prolonged absence from one's homeland under either the compulsion of circumstance or the rigors of some high purpose. Usually persons ...

Paris Paris () is the Capital city, capital and List of communes in France with over 20,000 inhabitants, largest city of France. With an estimated population of 2,048,472 residents in January 2025 in an area of more than , Paris is the List of ci ...

and had been previously imprisoned by the South African regime for treason. In 2009, Lawrence Hamilton published a journal article called (I've Never Met) a Nice South African': Virtuous Citizenship and Popular Sovereignty".

References

External links

"(I've Never Met) A Nice South African - a Song by Spitting Image"
h2g2, 29 March 2005. Analysis of the lyrics. Retrieved 30 March 2024.
"I've Never Met A Nice South African music video
{{authority control 1986 songs Anti-apartheid songs Comedy songs Cultural depictions of South African people International opposition to apartheid in South Africa Music videos featuring puppetry Satirical songs Songs about South Africa Songs about white people Spitting Image songs