''I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood'' is a 2010 humor book by

Dave Barry David McAlister Barry (born July 3, 1947) is an American author and columnist who wrote a nationally Print syndication, syndicated humor column for the ''Miami Herald'' from 1983 to 2005. He has written numerous books of humor and parody, as we ...

. In the book, Barry talks about parenthood, being a

celebrity Celebrity is a condition of fame and broad public recognition of a person or group due to the attention given to them by mass media. The word is also used to refer to famous individuals. A person may attain celebrity status by having great w ...

technology Technology is the application of Conceptual model, conceptual knowledge to achieve practical goals, especially in a reproducible way. The word ''technology'' can also mean the products resulting from such efforts, including both tangible too ...

, his screenplay career, a ''

Twilight Twilight is daylight illumination produced by diffuse sky radiation when the Sun is below the horizon as sunlight from the upper atmosphere is scattered in a way that illuminates both the Earth's lower atmosphere and also the Earth's surf ...

'' spoof, and a '' 24'' script. The book was published in 2010. He also mentions in each essay about a random thing.

Topics of stories and essays

* "Solving The Celebrity Problem": He mentions the

Kardashians The Kardashian family ( ), also referred to as the Kardashian–Jenner family, is an American family prominent in the fields of law, entertainment, reality television, fashion design, and business. Through different ventures, several members of ...

and how only

Caitlyn Jenner Caitlyn Marie Jenner (born William Bruce Jenner, October 28, 1949), formerly known as Bruce Jenner, is an American media personality and retired Olympic gold medal-winning decathlete. Jenner played college football for the Graceland Yell ...

(referenced as Bruce Jenner) has done the work. * "Technology": He mentions that even if you use a magnifying glass an inch away from the TV, you can't see ones & zeros in

Jack Bauer Jack Bauer is a fictional character and the protagonist of the Fox television series '' 24''. Throughout the majority of the series' running, Bauer serves as a key member of the fictional CTU and other institutions. Bauer's job usually involv ...

's nose when it's the size of the

Lincoln Tunnel The Lincoln Tunnel is an approximately tunnel under the Hudson River, connecting Weehawken, New Jersey, to the west with Midtown Manhattan in New York City to the east. It carries New Jersey Route 495 on the New Jersey side and the unsigned N ...

. * "Parenthood": Dads don't gator. * "The Big Dumpster": Barry mentions that he wrote two ideas; one with superhuman chickens, and one with political themes, including the

President President most commonly refers to: *President (corporate title) * President (education), a leader of a college or university *President (government title) President may also refer to: Arts and entertainment Film and television *'' Præsident ...

doing the

Hokey Pokey The Hokey Pokey (also known as Hokey Cokey in the United Kingdom, Ireland, some parts of Australia, and the Caribbean) is a participation dance with a distinctive accompanying tune and lyric structure. It is well-known in English-speaking countr ...

, titled ''Chickens!'', and ''Head of State''. * "Fangs of Endearment": He has

vampires A vampire is a mythical creature that subsists by feeding on the Vitalism, vital essence (generally in the form of blood) of the living. In European folklore, vampires are undead, undead humanoid creatures that often visited loved ones and c ...

werewolves In folklore, a werewolf (), or occasionally lycanthrope (from Ancient Greek ), is an individual who can shapeshift into a wolf, or especially in modern film, a therianthropic hybrid wolf–humanlike creature, either purposely or after bei ...

, and

Zamboni machine An ice resurfacer is a vehicle or hand-pushed device for cleaning and smoothing the surface of a sheet of ice, usually in an ice rink. The first ice resurfacer was developed by American inventor and engineer Frank Zamboni in 1949 in Paramount, ...

Notes

References

{{reflist 2010 non-fiction books Satirical books Essay collections G. P. Putnam's Sons books