In popular culture, the friend zone (or friendzone) is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual

friendship Friendship is a Interpersonal relationship, relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an "acquaintance" or an "association", such as a classmate, neighbor, coworker, or colleague. Althoug ...

wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not. The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" (or to have been "put in") the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on

Facebook Facebook is a social media and social networking service owned by the American technology conglomerate Meta Platforms, Meta. Created in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg with four other Harvard College students and roommates, Eduardo Saverin, Andre ...

, dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time, the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance. The concept of the friend zone has been criticized by some as

misogynistic Misogyny () is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. It is a form of sexism that can keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the social roles of patriarchy. Misogyny has been widely practis ...

, because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should be romantically involved with men in whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them; however, the term refers to all forms of unrequited affection, not necessarily a man having a romantic interest in a woman. It is also closely associated with so-called " nice guy syndrome". The term was originally popularized in the American sitcom television series ''

Friends ''Friends'' is an American television sitcom created by David Crane (producer), David Crane and Marta Kauffman, which aired on NBC from September 22, 1994, to May 6, 2004, lasting List of Friends episodes, ten seasons. With an ensemble cast ...

'' (1994). In the seventh episode of the first season, "

The One with the Blackout "The One with the Blackout" is the seventh episode of the first season of the NBC television series ''Friends''. The seventh episode of the show overall, it was first broadcast on November 3, 1994. In the episode, there's a blackout in the cit ...

Ross Geller Ross Eustace Geller (born 1968) portrayed by David Schwimmer, is one of the List of Friends and Joey characters, six main characters of the NBC sitcom ''Friends''. Ross is considered by many to be the most intelligent member of the group and is ...

is lovesick for

Rachel Green Rachel Karen Green is a fictional character, one of the six main characters who appeared in the American sitcom ''Friends''. Portrayed by Jennifer Aniston, the character was created by David Crane and Marta Kauffman, and appeared in all of ...

, but

Joey Tribbiani Joseph Francis Tribbiani Jr. (born 1968) is a fictional character, serving as one of the primary characters of the NBC sitcom ''Friends'' and the protagonist of its spin-off ''Joey''. He is portrayed by Matt LeBlanc in both series. Joey is an ...

informs him that, when two people meet, there is a short period in which there is potential for a romantic relationship that Ross has gone beyond. After this time, if they continue to see each other, they are in the "friend zone" and so a romantic relationship is effectively impossible, even if one of the parties wants to be the other's lover.

Terminology

The term friendzone can be verbified, as in the sentence "So, she's friend-zoned you." It is described as " situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other." Although the term is apparently gender-neutral, the friend zone is often used to describe a situation in a male-female relationship in which the male is in the friend zone and the female is the object of his unrequited desire, or vice versa, where the female is being friend-zoned by the male, although less common. The person who does the friend-zoning is referred to as the ''friend-zoner'', whereas the person who gets friend-zoned is called the ''friend-zonee''. The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in pick up artist (PUA) literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.

Research

Binghamton University did a study on undergraduates from a midsize university in the northeastern United States. There were 562 participants with 305 identified as female and 257 as male. Of the 562 participants, 427 were exclusively heterosexual while 113 were not exclusively heterosexual. The participants were asked "Have you ever friend-zoned someone else?" and "Have you ever been friend-zoned?" The study found that 65.7% of exclusively heterosexual males have friend-zoned someone while 92.6% of exclusively heterosexual females have friend-zoned someone. The study also found that 75.2% of exclusively heterosexual males have been friend-zoned before while only 41.2% of exclusively heterosexual females have been friend-zoned before.

Background

Writer Jeremy Nicholson in ''

Psychology Today ''Psychology Today'' is an American media organization with a focus on psychology and human behavior. The publication began as a bimonthly magazine, which first appeared in 1967. The print magazine's reported circulation is 275,000 as of 2023. ...

'' suggested that a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected upfront, uses a ploy of acting friendly as a "back door" way into a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently is placed in the ''friend zone''. According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.

Criticism of the term

Feminist Feminism is a range of socio-political movements and ideology, ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social gender equality, equality of the sexes. Feminism holds the position that modern soci ...

writers such as Rivu Dasgupta and

Amanda Marcotte Amanda Marie Marcotte (born September 2, 1977) is an American blogger and journalist who writes on feminism and politics from a liberal perspective. She has written for several online publications, including ''Slate'', ''The Guardian'', and ' ...

have argued that the friend zone concept is

. Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in

male narcissism In gender studies, the analysis of gender differences in narcissism shows that male narcissism and female narcissism differ in a number of aspects. Jeffrey Kluger, in his 2014 book ''The Narcissist Next Door'' suggested that our society, still ...

. The ''

nice guy "Nice guy" is an informal term, commonly used with either a literal or a sarcastic meaning, for a man. In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive, and vulnerable. The term is used both po ...

'' concept has been criticized as a gender trope with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward. Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault. Ryan Milner of the

College of Charleston The College of Charleston (CofC or Charleston) is a public university in Charleston, South Carolina, United States. Founded in 1770 and chartered in 1785, it is the oldest university in South Carolina, the 13th-oldest institution of higher lea ...

argued that the ''friend zone'' concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of

patriarchal Patriarchy is a social system in which positions of authority are primarily held by men. The term ''patriarchy'' is used both in anthropology to describe a family or clan controlled by the father or eldest male or group of males, and in fem ...

authority and male domination. ''

TheGuardian.com ''The Guardian'' is a British daily newspaper. It was founded in Manchester in 1821 as ''The Manchester Guardian'' and changed its name in 1959, followed by a move to London. Along with its sister paper, ''The Guardian Weekly'', ''The Guardi ...

'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage reflects a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He places blame on ingrained gender roles. Being rejected by a potential partner does not mean a person has been friend-zoned; it means that potential partner does not want to pursue a romantic relationship.

In popular culture

The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom ''

'' entitled "

", where the character

, who was lovesick for

, was described by character

as being the "mayor of the friend zone". The 2005 romantic comedy film ''

Just Friends ''Just Friends'' is a 2005 Christmas romantic black comedy film directed by Roger Kumble, written by Adam 'Tex' Davis and starring Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart, Anna Faris, Chris Klein and Christopher Marquette. The plot focuses on a formerly ...

'' main plot device is that the protagonist Chris Brander (played by

Ryan Reynolds Ryan Rodney Reynolds (born October 23, 1976) is a Canadian and American actor, producer and businessman. Known for starring in comedic and superhero films, he was the List of highest-paid film actors, world's second-highest-paid actor in 202 ...

) is "friend-zoned" by his best friend (and secret love interest since school) Jamie Palamino (played by

Amy Smart Amy Lysle Smart (born March 26, 1976) is an American actress. Her first role in film was in Martin Kunert's anthology horror film '' Campfire Tales'', followed by a minor part in '' Starship Troopers,'' directed by Paul Verhoeven. In 1998, Sma ...

Chris Rock Christopher Julius Rock (born February 7, 1965) is an American comedian, actor, and filmmaker. He first gained prominence for his stand-up routines in the 1980s in which he tackled subjects including race relations, human sexuality, and obse ...

mentions the term in his 1996 "Bring the Pain" skit. He says that women have male friends but these men are friends with women they "haven't fucked yet". Then claims that men who have platonic friends is because of an accident and ending up in the friend zone is because of a "wrong turn somewhere".Michael, Cherish Krista. "Perceptions of Healthy and Respectful Relationships and Friend Zone Phenomena." PhD diss., Arizona State University, 2015.

MTV MTV (an initialism of Music Television) is an American cable television television channel, channel and the flagship property of the MTV Entertainment Group sub-division of the Paramount Media Networks division of Paramount Global. Launched on ...

aired a reality show entitled '' FriendZone'' from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees" but want to begin relationships with them. The

Cartoon Network Cartoon Network (CN) is an American cable television television channel, channel and the flagship property of the Cartoon Network, Inc., a sub-division of the Warner Bros. Discovery Networks division of Warner Bros. Discovery. It launched on ...

series ''

Regular Show ''Regular Show'' (known as ''Regular Show in Space'' during its Regular Show season 8, eighth season) is an American animated sitcom created by J. G. Quintel for Cartoon Network. It ran from September 6, 2010, to January 16, 2017, over the cours ...

'' brings up and shows the friend zone on a regular basis, as one of the show's main characters, Mordecai, and his friend Margaret experience shifts in their relationship.

References