Demisexuality is a term used to describe individuals who rarely experience primary

sexual attraction Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest. Sexual attractiveness or sex appeal is an individual's ability to attract other people sexually, and is a factor in sexual selection or m ...

– a type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as

appearance Appearance may refer to: * Visual appearance, the way in which objects reflect and transmit light * Human physical appearance, what someone looks like * ''Appearances'' (film), a 1921 film directed by Donald Crisp * Appearance (philosophy), or ...

or smell, and is experienced immediately after first encounter. A demisexual person generally tends to develop sexual attraction after they

experience Experience refers to Consciousness, conscious events in general, more specifically to perceptions, or to the practical knowledge and familiarity that is produced by these processes. Understood as a conscious event in the widest sense, experience i ...

secondary sexual attraction – a type of attraction that occurs after development of an

emotional bond Human bonding is the process of development of a close interpersonal relationship between two or more people. It most commonly takes place between family members or friends, but can also develop among groups, such as sporting teams and whenever ...

. The amount of time that a demisexual individual needs to know another person before developing sexual attraction towards them varies from person to person. Demisexuality is generally categorized on the

asexuality spectrum Graysexuality, greysexuality, gray asexuality, or gray-sexuality is a sexuality within the asexual spectrum. It is often defined as limited amounts of sexual attraction that can vary in intensity. Individuals who identify with gray asexualit ...

History

The term was coined in the

Asexual Visibility and Education Network The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) is an online community founded in 2001 by David Jay and classed as a 501(c)4 non-profit since June 2022. By 2021, it had 135,539 members, according to Michael Doré, one of its members in the ...

Forums in February 2006. Based on the theory that

allosexual Allosexuality is the ability to experience sexual attraction, in contrast with asexuality. Individuals express this identity as allosexual, sometimes shortened to allo; synonymous terms include zedsexual, or simply ''sexual''. The identity does n ...

s experience both primary and secondary sexual attraction and asexuals do not experience either, the term ''demisexual'' was proposed for people who experience the latter without the former. However,

David Jay David Jay (born April 24, 1982) is an American asexual activist. Jay is the founder and webmaster of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), the most prolific and well-known of the various asexual communities established since th ...

suggested a similar word in 2003, called semisexual. Demisexuality, as a component of the asexuality spectrum, is included in

queer ''Queer'' is an umbrella term for people who are non-heterosexual or non- cisgender. Originally meaning or , ''queer'' came to be used pejoratively against LGBTQ people in the late 19th century. From the late 1980s, queer activists began to ...

activist Activism consists of efforts to promote, impede, direct or intervene in social, political, economic or environmental reform with the desire to make changes in society toward a perceived common good. Forms of activism range from mandate build ...

communities A community is a Level of analysis, social unit (a group of people) with a shared socially-significant characteristic, such as place (geography), place, set of Norm (social), norms, culture, religion, values, Convention (norm), customs, or Ide ...

such as

GLAAD GLAAD () is an American non-governmental media monitoring organization. Originally founded as a protest against defamatory coverage of gay and lesbian demographics and their portrayals in the media and entertainment industries, it has since ...

and

The Trevor Project The Trevor Project is an American nonprofit organization founded in 1998. Focused on suicide prevention efforts for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth, they offer a toll-free telephone number where con ...

. Demisexuality also has finer divisions within itself. The word gained entry to the

Oxford English Dictionary The ''Oxford English Dictionary'' (''OED'') is the principal historical dictionary of the English language, published by Oxford University Press (OUP), a University of Oxford publishing house. The dictionary, which published its first editio ...

in March 2022, with its earliest usage recorded in 2006 as a noun. Since 2019, the app Tinder includes demisexual as an option for self-descriptors of sexual orientation on profiles.

Definition

Demisexuality is used to describe individuals who feel sexually attracted to someone only after developing a close or strong emotional bond with them. Some demisexuals will also feel

romantic attraction Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a Interpersonal attraction, strong attraction towards another person, and the Courtship, courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant ...

, while others do not. The duration of time and the degree of interpersonal knowledge and bonding required for a demisexual person to develop sexual attraction may be highly variable between individuals. There is a lack of clear definitions for what qualifies as a close or strong bond in this context, which can cause confusion. Unlike other words used to describe sexual orientations, the term "demisexuality" does not indicate which gender or genders a person finds attractive.

Primary vis-à-vis secondary sexual attraction model

*Primary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell). Primary sexual attraction is characterized as being experienced at first sight. *Secondary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on information that is not instantly available (such as personality, life experiences, talents, etc.); how much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them before secondary sexual attraction develops varies from person to person. After secondary sexual attraction is developed, demisexuals are not only aroused by personality traits. They also may or may not experience arousal or desire based on the physical traits of the persons whom they have already experience secondary sexual attraction towards.

Common misconceptions and sexual activities

A misconception is that demisexual individuals cannot engage in

casual sex Casual sex is sexual activity that takes place outside a romantic relationship and implies an absence of commitment, emotional attachment, or familiarity between sexual partners. Examples are sexual activity while casually dating, one-nig ...

. Demisexuality refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction; it does not describe a choice or an action, but describes a feeling instead. While it is common for demisexuals to not desire

sex Sex is the biological trait that determines whether a sexually reproducing organism produces male or female gametes. During sexual reproduction, a male and a female gamete fuse to form a zygote, which develops into an offspring that inheri ...

without feeling sexually attracted to the other person, this is not required to be considered demisexual. Many demisexuals may choose to engage in casual sex even without experiencing sexual attraction towards their

sexual partner Sexual partners are people who engage in sexual activity together. The sexual partners may be in a committed relationship, either on an exclusive basis or not, or engage in the sexual activity on a casual basis. They may be on intimate terms ( ...

Attitudes towards sex

Some demisexual, gray-asexual and

asexual Asexual or Asexuals may refer to: *Asexual reproduction **Asexual reproduction in starfish *Asexuality, the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or lack of interest in or desire for sexual activity. **Gray asexuality, the spectrum between asexualit ...

individuals (all included under the "ace umbrella") use the terms '' favorable'', ''neutral'' or '' indifferent'', ''averse'', or '' repulsed'' to describe how they feel about sex. Nonetheless, these terms can be used by anyone, regardless of whether they are on the asexual spectrum or not. *Sex-repulsed: feeling repulsed or

uncomfortable Comfort is a state of physical or psychological ease, often characterized by the absence of hardship. Individuals experiencing a lack of comfort are typically described as uncomfortable or in discomfort. A degree of psychological comfort can b ...

towards the thought of engaging in sex. *Sex-indifferent: no particular positive or negative feelings towards sex. Sex-indifferent individuals might partake in sex or avoid it. *Sex-favourable: sex-favourable individuals enjoy sex and may seek it out. *Sex- ambivalent: experiencing mixed or complicated feelings regarding the act or concept of sexual interaction, usually fluctuating between sex-neutral, sex-favorable, sex-repulsed, sex-negative, or sex-averse. These terms are generally used to refer to someone's opinion about engaging in sexual activities themself. However, they might also be used to describe how they feel reading, watching, hearing about, or imagining these activities. The term ''-repulsed'' in particular is often used to refer to one's feelings about engaging in sexual activities or being around them. One's feelings can vary depending on the situation or other factors such as identity, societal context, common social understanding or intent of actions or comfort level with another individual. For example, someone who is

aegosexual Aegosexuality is a term used to describe individuals who may experience sexual arousal, enjoy sexual content, masturbation, or sexual fantasies, but do not desire sexual activity with another person or wish to form sexual relationships with othe ...

may enjoy thinking about sexual activities involving others but may feel repulsed upon the thought of personally participating in such activities.

In fiction

Demisexuality is a common theme (or

trope Trope or tropes may refer to: Arts and entertainment * Trope (cinema), a cinematic convention for conveying a concept * Trope (literature), a figure of speech or common literary device * Trope (music), any of a variety of different things in medi ...

) in romantic novels that has been termed "compulsory demisexuality". In this genre, the paradigm or trope of sex being only truly pleasurable and fulfilling when the partners are in love is a trait most commonly associated with female characters. The added requirements for a connection to occur may engender or reinforce feelings that the connection is unique or special.

References

{{LGBTQ Human sexuality Demisexuality Asexuality 2006 neologisms