Conventional sex, colloquially known as vanilla sex, is

sexual behavior Human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. People engage in a variety of sexual acts, ranging from activities done alone (e.g., masturbation) t ...

that is within the range of normality for a culture or subculture, and typically involves sex which does not include elements of

BDSM BDSM is a variety of often Eroticism, erotic practices or Sexual roleplay, roleplaying involving Bondage (BDSM), bondage, Discipline (BDSM), discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given ...

, kink,

fetishism A fetish is an object believed to have supernatural powers, or in particular, a human-made object that has power over others. Essentially, fetishism is the attribution of inherent non-material value, or powers, to an object. Talismans and amulet ...

, and/or happens within a marriage or relationship.

Etymology

Early entries for ''vanilla'' in the ''

Oxford English Dictionary The ''Oxford English Dictionary'' (''OED'') is the principal historical dictionary of the English language, published by Oxford University Press (OUP), a University of Oxford publishing house. The dictionary, which published its first editio ...

'' refer to its botanical origins, such as the pod of the ''Vanilla'' genus or the orchid ''

Vanilla planifolia ''Vanilla planifolia'' is a species of vanilla orchid native to Mexico, Central America, Colombia, and Brazil. It is one of the primary sources for vanilla flavouring, due to its high vanillin content. Common names include flat-leaved vanilla, ...

.'' These definitions appeared in English texts as early as the 1600s. The figurative meaning—"plain, basic, or conventional"—was added in the 1970s, though earlier examples exist. A notable early instance appears in a 1942 ''LIFE'' magazine article, suggesting the metaphorical use was already familiar to the public. In 1997, the OED expanded the definition to include sexual contexts, particularly "vanilla sex," referring to conventional, non-kinky activity. Several citations stem from 1970s gay and lesbian discourse, coinciding with a rise in visibility and activism, indicating cultural shifts shaped the modern usage.

Description

What is regarded as conventional sex depends on cultural and subcultural norms. Among heterosexual couples in the

Western world The Western world, also known as the West, primarily refers to various nations and state (polity), states in Western Europe, Northern America, and Australasia; with some debate as to whether those in Eastern Europe and Latin America also const ...

, for example, conventional sex often refers to

sexual intercourse Sexual intercourse (also coitus or copulation) is a sexual activity typically involving the insertion of the Erection, erect male Human penis, penis inside the female vagina and followed by Pelvic thrust, thrusting motions for sexual pleasure ...

in the missionary position. It can also describe penetrative sex which does not have any element of BDSM, kink or fetish. The ''

British Medical Journal ''The BMJ'' is a fortnightly peer-reviewed medical journal, published by BMJ Publishing Group Ltd, which in turn is wholly-owned by the British Medical Association (BMA). ''The BMJ'' has editorial freedom from the BMA. It is one of the world ...

'' regards conventional sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual masturbation, and

oral The word oral may refer to: Relating to the mouth * Relating to the mouth, the first portion of the alimentary canal that primarily receives food and liquid **Oral administration of medicines ** Oral examination (also known as an oral exam or ora ...

and

anal sex Anal sex or anal intercourse principally means the insertion and pelvic thrusting, thrusting of the Erection, erect human penis, penis into a person's Human anus, anus, or anus and rectum, for sexual pleasure.Sepages 270–271for anal sex inform ...

." In addition to mutual masturbation (including manual sex), penetrative sexual activity among same-sex pairings is contrasted by non-insertive acts such as intercrural sex, frot and tribadism, although tribadism has been cited as a common but rarely discussed sexual practice among lesbians.

Vanilla sexuality

The term "

vanilla Vanilla is a spice derived from orchids of the genus ''Vanilla (genus), Vanilla'', primarily obtained from pods of the flat-leaved vanilla (''Vanilla planifolia, V. planifolia''). ''Vanilla'' is not Autogamy, autogamous, so pollination ...

" in "vanilla sex" leverages the

polysemic Polysemy ( or ; ) is the capacity for a Sign (semiotics), sign (e.g. a symbol, morpheme, word, or phrase) to have multiple related meanings. For example, a word can have several word senses. Polysemy is distinct from ''monosemy'', where a word h ...

nature of the term, meaning both literally "vanilla" or "conventional", depending on the context. It originally derives from the use of

extract as the basic flavoring for

ice cream Ice cream is a frozen dessert typically made from milk or cream that has been flavoured with a sweetener, either sugar or an alternative, and a spice, such as Chocolate, cocoa or vanilla, or with fruit, such as strawberries or peaches. Food ...

, and by extension, meaning plain or conventional. In relationships where only one partner enjoys less conventional forms of sexual expression, the partner who does not enjoy such activities as much as the other is often referred to as the ''vanilla partner''. As such, it is easy for them to be erroneously branded unadventurous in sexual matters. Paper on the difficulties facing "vanilla partners". . Through exploration with their partner, it may be possible for a more vanilla-minded person to discover new facets of their sexuality. As with any sexually active person, they may find their preferences on the commonly termed "vanilla-kink spectrum" are sufficient for their full satisfaction.

References

{{Reproductive physiology LGBTQ terminology Sexual acts