friend zone
   HOME

TheInfoList



OR:

In popular culture, the friend zone (or friendzone) is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual
friendship Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an "acquaintance" or an "association", such as a classmate, neighbor, coworker, or colleague. In some cultures, the concept o ...
wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not. The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" (or to have been "put in") the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on Facebook, dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance. The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as
misogynistic Misogyny () is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women. It is a form of sexism that is used to keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the societal roles of patriarchy. Misogyny has been widely practiced f ...
, because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should be romantically involved with men in whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them, though the term refers to all forms of unrequited affection, not necessarily a man liking a woman. It is also closely associated with so-called " nice guy syndrome". The term was originally popularized in the American sitcom television series '' Friends'' (1994). In the seventh episode, '' The One with the Blackout'',
Ross Ross or ROSS may refer to: People * Clan Ross, a Highland Scottish clan * Ross (name), including a list of people with the surname or given name Ross, as well as the meaning * Earl of Ross, a peerage of Scotland Places * RoSS, the Republic of Sou ...
is lovesick for
Rachel Rachel () was a Biblical figure, the favorite of Jacob's two wives, and the mother of Joseph and Benjamin, two of the twelve progenitors of the tribes of Israel. Rachel's father was Laban. Her older sister was Leah, Jacob's first wife. Her aun ...
, but according to
Joey Joey may refer to: People *Joey (name) Animals * Joey (marsupial), an infant marsupial * Joey, a Blue-fronted Amazon parrot who was one of the Blue Peter pets Film and television * ''Joey'' (1977 film), an American film directed by Horac ...
, when two people meet, there is a short period in which there is potential for a romantic relationship that Ross has gone beyond. After this time, if they continue to see each other, they are in the "friend zone" and so a romantic relationship is effectively impossible, even if one of the parties wishes for it to be possible.


Terminology

The term friendzone can be verbified, as in the sentence "So, she's friend-zoned you." It is described as “ situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other." Although the term is apparently gender-neutral, the friend zone is often used to describe a situation in a male-female relationship in which the male is in the friend zone and the female is the object of his unrequited desire, or vice versa, where the female is being friend-zoned by the male, although less common. The person who does the friend-zoning is referred to as the ''friend-zoner'', whereas the person who gets friend-zoned is called the ''friend-zonee''. The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in pick up artist (PUA) literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.


Research

Binghamton University did a study on undergraduates from a midsize university in the northeastern United States. There were 562 participants with 305 identified as female and 257 as male. Of the 562 participants, 427 were exclusively heterosexual while 113 were not exclusively heterosexual. The participants were asked "Have you ever friend-zoned someone else?" and "Have you ever been friend-zoned?" The study found that 65.7% of exclusively heterosexual males have friend-zoned someone while 92.6% of exclusively heterosexual females have friend-zoned someone. The study also found that 75.2% of exclusively heterosexual males have been friend-zoned before while only 41.2% of exclusively heterosexual females have been friend-zoned before.


Background

Writer Jeremy Nicholson in '' Psychology Today'' suggested that a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected upfront, uses a ploy of acting friendly as a "back door" way into a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently is placed in the ''friend zone''. According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.


Criticism of the term

Feminist writers have argued that the friend zone concept is
misogynistic Misogyny () is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women. It is a form of sexism that is used to keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the societal roles of patriarchy. Misogyny has been widely practiced f ...
and rooted in
male narcissism In gender studies, the analysis of gender differences in narcissism shows that male narcissism and female narcissism differ in a number of aspects. Jeffrey Kluger, in his 2014 book ''The Narcissist Next Door'' suggested that our society, still ...
. The ''
nice guy "Nice guy" is an informal term, commonly used with either a literal or a sarcastic meaning, for a man. In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable. The term is used both pos ...
'' concept has been criticized as a gender trope with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward, and that this concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault. ''
TheGuardian.com TheGuardian.com, formerly known as Guardian.co.uk and ''Guardian Unlimited'', is a British news and media website owned by the Guardian Media Group. It contains nearly all of the content of the newspapers ''The Guardian'' and ''The Observer'', ...
'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage reflects a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He places blame on ingrained gender roles. Being rejected by a potential partner does not mean a person has been friend-zoned; it means that potential partner does not want to pursue a romantic relationship. The socially agreed-upon friend zone definition can cause sexual violence that is legitimized as a natural outcome of a women's disobedient exercise of any sexual activity. This sexist belief is internalized through the common practice of male peers policing one another's masculinity. Men are more likely to look at the opposite sex friends as potential sexual partners while women tend to prefer non-sexual friendships. Thus women tend to be annoyed when male friends desire sex and romance while men find the time and money demands costly and frustrating when romantic desires are not reciprocated.Michael, Cherish Krista. "Perceptions of Healthy and Respectful Relationships and Friend Zone Phenomena." PhD diss., Arizona State University, 2015.


Popular culture

The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom '' Friends'' entitled " The One with the Blackout", where the character
Ross Geller Ross Geller, portrayed by David Schwimmer, is one of the six main characters of the NBC sitcom ''Friends''. Ross is considered by many to be the most intelligent member of the group and is noted for his goofy but lovable demeanor. His relatio ...
, who was lovesick for Rachel Green, was described by character
Joey Tribbiani Joseph Francis "Joey" Tribbiani Jr. is a fictional character, serving as one of the primary characters of the NBC sitcom ''Friends'' and the protagonist of its spin-off ''Joey (TV series), Joey''. He is portrayed by Matt LeBlanc in both series. ...
as being the "mayor of the friend zone". The 2005 romantic comedy film ''
Just Friends ''Just Friends'' is a 2005 American Christmas comedy film directed by Roger Kumble, written by Adam 'Tex' Davis and starring Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart, Anna Faris, Chris Klein and Christopher Marquette. The plot focuses on a formerly obese high ...
main plot device is that the protagonist Chris Brander (played by
Ryan Reynolds Ryan Rodney Reynolds (born October 23, 1976) is a Canadian-American actor. He is one of the highest-grossing film actors of all time, with a worldwide box-office gross of over  billion. He began his career starring in the Canadian teen ...
) is "friend-zoned" by his best friend (and secret love interest since school) Jamie Palamino (played by
Amy Smart Amy Lysle Smart (born March 26, 1976) is an American actress. A native of Los Angeles, Smart began her career modelling in Italy and subsequently enrolled in acting school. Her first role in film was in director Martin Kunert's anthology horror ...
). His lack of confidence due to being overweight and timid is reverted later in adulthood now that Chris has become a handsome, athletic and successful music producer while still having unresolved issues with his unreciprocated love of youth, Jamie. Chris Rock mentions the term in his 1996 "Bring the Pain" skit. He says that women have male friends but these men are friends with women they "haven't fucked yet". Then claims that men who have platonic friends is because of an accident and ending up in the friend zone is because of a "wrong turn somewhere." MTV aired a reality show entitled ''
FriendZone In popular culture, the friend zone (or friendzone) is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other doe ...
'' from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees" but want to begin relationships with them. The Cartoon Network series '' Regular Show'' brings up and shows the friend zone on a regular basis, as one of the show's main characters, Mordecai, and his friend Margaret experience shifts in their relationship. Anne-Marie and
Marshmello Christopher Comstock (born May 19, 1992), known professionally as Marshmello, is an American electronic music producer and DJ. His songs "Silence", "Wolves", "Friends", " Happier", and " Alone" have been certified multi-platinum in several ...
's song, Friends, is dubbed "the official Friend zone anthem."


See also

*
Attachment in adults In psychology, the theory of attachment can be applied to adult relationships including friendships, emotional affairs, adult romantic or carnal relationships or platonic relationships, and, in some cases, relationships with inanimate objects (" ...
*
Bad boy archetype The bad boy is a cultural archetype that is variously defined, and is often used synonymously with the historic terms ''rake'' or ''cad'': a male who behaves badly, especially within societal norms. Definitions The stereotypical "bad boy" was de ...
*
Cross-sex friendship A cross-sex friendship is a platonic relationship between two unrelated people of differing sexes or gender. There are multiple types of cross-sex friendships, all defined by whether or not each party has a romantic attraction to each other, ...
*
Infatuation Infatuation or being smitten is the state of being carried away by an unreasoned passion, usually towards another person for whom one has developed strong romantic feelings. Psychologist Frank D. Cox says that infatuation can be distinguished ...
*
Unrequited love Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and pure affection, or may consciously reject it. The Merriam Webster Online Dict ...


References

{{Reflist, 30em Intimate relationships Interpersonal relationships Love