You Have Two Cows

"You have two cows" is a political analogy and form of early 20th century American political satire to describe various economic systems of government. The setup of a typical joke of this kind is the assumption that the listener lives within a given system and has two cows. The punch line is what happens to the listener and the cows in the system; it offers a brief and humorous take on the subject or locale.

History

A 1936 article in ''The Modern Language Journal'' reports that the following definitions of "isims" were used in a Chicago political campaign:
*''Socialism'': If you have two cows, you give one to your neighbor.
*''Communism'': If you have two cows, you give them to the Government and the Government then gives you some milk.
*''Fascism'': If you have two cows, you keep the cows and give the milk to the Government; then the government sells you some milk.
*'' New Dealism'': If you have two cows, you shoot one and milk the other; then you pour the milk down the drain.
*''Nazism'': If you have two cows, the Government shoots you and keeps the cows.
*''Capitalism'': If you have two cows, you sell one and buy a bull.

Bill Sherk mentions that such lists circulated throughout the United States since around 1936 under the title "Parable of the Isms". A column in ''The Chicago Daily Tribune'' in 1938 attributes a version involving socialism, communism, fascism and New Dealism''New Dealism'': You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, buys milk from the other cow, then pours the milk down the drain. — Cited in: to an address by Silas Strawn to the Economic Club of Chicago on 29 November 1935.

Richard M Steers and Luciara Nardon in their book about global economy use the "two cows" metaphor to illustrate the concept of cultural differences. They write that jokes of this kind, "Russian company: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have", are considered funny because they are "realistic but exaggerated caricatures" of various cultures, and the pervasiveness of such jokes stems from the significant cultural differences. Steers and Nardon also state that others believe such jokes present cultural stereotypes and must be viewed with caution.

Notable variants

Enron scandal

The economics of the Enron scandal have been a target of the "two cows" joke, often describing the accounting fraud that took place in Enron's finances. Much of the beginning of the joke when used to describe Enron resembles the following:

The ending of the joke varies in most interactions. The magazine ''Wired'' in 2008 ended the joke with Enron selling one cow to buy a new president of the United States, that no balance sheet was provided with the annual report, and ultimately the public buying Enron's bull. In 2002, Power Engineering ended the joke by announcing Enron would start trading cows online using the platform COW (cows on web).

See also

* Ethnic joke
* Ethnic stereotype
* Spherical cow

Notes

References

{{DEFAULTSORT:You Have Two Cows
Political satire
Joke cycles
Metaphors referring to cattle
Political metaphors
Economic policy
1935 quotations