"The Private Life of Genghis Khan" is a short story written by

Douglas Adams Douglas Noel Adams (11 March 1952 – 11 May 2001) was an English author, humorist, and screenwriter, best known as the creator of ''The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy''. Originally a 1978 BBC radio comedy, ''The Hitchhiker's Guide to the ...

and

Graham Chapman Graham Chapman (8 January 1941 – 4 October 1989) was a British actor, comedian and writer. He was one of the six members of the Surreal humour, surrealist comedy group Monty Python. He portrayed authority figures such as The Colonel (Monty Py ...

. It is based in part on a sketch devised by Graham Chapman, and written by Chapman and Adams for the 1975 TV show pilot '' Out of the Trees''. It appears in '' The Utterly Utterly Merry Comic Relief Christmas Book'' and some versions of '' The Salmon of Doubt''. It is also available on Douglas Adams' website."The Private Life of Genghis Khan"
at DouglasAdams.com Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged (a recurring character from some of Adams' novels) makes a brief appearance in the story.

Plot summary

The short story presents a humorous account of

Genghis Khan Genghis Khan (born Temüjin; August 1227), also known as Chinggis Khan, was the founder and first khan (title), khan of the Mongol Empire. After spending most of his life uniting the Mongols, Mongol tribes, he launched Mongol invasions and ...

's day. The first section is an encounter with a woman in her home, where a soldier instructs the woman to ask the Khan questions about his day with affection, to which he replies in an apathetic manner. The soldier, while repeatedly thrashing and threatening the woman, demands that she continue to ask the Khan questions about his day in an affectionate manner like a stereotypical wife. The Khan takes out some scrolls and begins to read them, while the soldier instructs the woman to continue her line of questioning and eventually nag the Khan. The woman, afraid for her life, finally gives up and falls at the Khan's feet offering herself in order for the ordeal to stop, to which the Khan replies "No" and "you'd only laugh — you're just like all the others." The section then ends with the line, "He stormed out of the hut and rode off into the night in such a rage that he almost forgot to burn down the village before he left." The second section deals with a conversation between the Khan and his son, Ogdai, after the Battle of Samarkand. Ogdai tells the khan of his plans to attack

Persia Iran, officially the Islamic Republic of Iran (IRI) and also known as Persia, is a country in West Asia. It borders Iraq to the west, Turkey, Azerbaijan, and Armenia to the northwest, the Caspian Sea to the north, Turkmenistan to the nort ...

the following morning and proceed further in their campaign. Khan replies in a laid-back manner about his busy schedule for the next week and eventually the month of March. He then complains that he will be too busy in April since he has plans to go to

Africa Africa is the world's second-largest and second-most populous continent after Asia. At about 30.3 million km2 (11.7 million square miles) including adjacent islands, it covers 20% of Earth's land area and 6% of its total surfac ...

. A troubled Ogdai pleads with his father to conquer the world in May. Khan replies "Well, I don't like to commit myself that far in advance. One feels so tied down if one's life is completely mapped out beforehand. I should be doing more reading, for heaven's sake, when am I going to find the time for that? Anyway —" as the Khan pencils down "May — possible conquest of the world" in his scroll without committing to it. Just then, a dark green figure arrives in the tent and introduces himself as Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged. He first approaches the Khan and asks him to check the spelling of his name on his clipboard. When the Khan agrees that the spelling is correct, he proceeds to insult the khan before taking off in his spaceship. The story ends with, "Later that year Genghis Khan stormed into Europe in such a rage that he almost forgot to burn down

Asia Asia ( , ) is the largest continent in the world by both land area and population. It covers an area of more than 44 million square kilometres, about 30% of Earth's total land area and 8% of Earth's total surface area. The continent, which ...

before he left."

References

{{DEFAULTSORT:Private Life Of Genghis Khan British short stories Short stories by Douglas Adams 1975 short stories Short stories set in the 13th century