"Telephone Thing" is a song by British post-punk band the Fall, written by

Mark E. Smith Mark Edward Smith (5 March 1957 – 24 January 2018) was an English singer, who was the lead singer, lyricist and only constant member of the post-punk group the Fall. Smith formed the band after attending the June 1976 Sex Pistols gig at the ...

with

Coldcut Coldcut are an English electronic music duo composed of Matt Black and Jonathan More. Credited as pioneers for pop sampling in the 1980s, Coldcut are also considered the first stars of UK electronic dance music due to their innovative style, ...

members Matt Black and

Jonathan More Coldcut are an English electronic music duo composed of Matt Black and Jonathan More. Credited as pioneers for pop sampling in the 1980s, Coldcut are also considered the first stars of UK electronic dance music due to their innovative style, ...

. Produced and mixed by Coldcut, it was released as a single in January 1990 and reached number 58 on the

UK singles chart The UK Singles Chart (currently titled Official Singles Chart, with the upper section more commonly known as the Official UK Top 40) is compiled by the Official Charts Company (OCC), on behalf of the British record industry, listing the top-s ...

. It also featured on the Fall's twelfth album, ''

Extricate ''Extricate'' is the 12th album by post-punk band the Fall. It was made immediately after bandleader Mark E. Smith divorced guitarist Brix Smith. Brix's departure helped define the sound of this album: her background vocals and relatively po ...

''.

Recording

The duo Coldcut first collaborated with Smith on the song ""(I'm) In Deep", one of the tracks on their debut album ''

What's That Noise? ''What's That Noise?'' is the debut album by Coldcut, released in 1989. Guests on the album include: Lisa Stansfield on "People Hold On" and " My Telephone", Mark E. Smith ( The Fall) on "(I'm) In Deep", Junior Reid on "Stop This Crazy Thing", Q ...

''. Another track on the album, " My Telephone" featured

Lisa Stansfield Lisa Jane Stansfield (born 11 April 1966) is an English singer, songwriter, and actress. Her career began in 1980 when she won the singing competition ''Search for a Star''. After appearances in various television shows and releasing her first ...

and was a minor chart hit in 1989. Jonathan More said of Smith: "He thought the vocals and all the rest of the stuff we did on it were shit, but he really liked the guitar, bass and drums, and he gave the cassette to his band to learn these parts." The band –

Martin Bramah Martin Beddington (born 18 September 1957 in Manchester),The Fall online – biography

(guitar),

Craig Scanlon Craig Antony Scanlon (born 7 December 1960 in Manchester) is an English guitarist, best known as a member of the Fall between 1979 and 1995. Despite his surname being spelled 'Scanlon' he was wrongly credited as 'Craig Scanlan' on every record h ...

(guitar), Steve Hanley (bass),

Marcia Schofield Marcia may refer to: People * Marcia (given name) *James Marcia, Canadian psychologist * Stefano Marcia (born 1993), South African Olympic sailor Other uses * ''Marcia'' (Beccafumi), a c. 1519 painting by Domenico Beccafumi * ''Marcia'' (bival ...

(keyboards), and

Simon Wolstencroft Simon John Wolstencroft (born 19 January 1963 in Altrincham, Cheshire) is an English rock drummer, best known for playing with The Fall from 1986 to 1997. He also played with early incarnations of The Smiths and The Stone Roses. His highly pra ...

(drums)"Telephone Thing", ''The Fall Tracks A-Z and The Fall Live''
Retrieved 28 January 2018 – learned the tune, and Mark E. Smith wrote lyrics ranting against

telephone tapping Telephone tapping (also wire tapping or wiretapping in American English) is the monitoring of telephone and Internet-based conversations by a third party, often by covert means. The wire tap received its name because, historically, the monitori ...

at a time when he thought his calls were being intercepted. Joseph Gallivan, "Nietzsche boy: Mark E Smith told it like it was at the ICA this week.", ''The Independent'', 10 March 1994
Retrieved 28 January 2018 Smith said:
Retrieved 28 January 2018

oldcut's recordingwas a misjustice to the tune. That single was a flop and it was rubbish. You see, they compose all their shit on machines, so I got the band to learn it, played naturally. So it's very different indeed. I just think it's topical - like all Fall singles. I think it's good to have a go at things like that - British Rail and British Telecom. It's a natural gripe. One time, I was using the phone a lot and I dialled a number and I could hear people munching sandwiches and talking about my last phone call. I actually rang up the operator and said 'Lookl I'm trying to dial a fucking number here and I can't get through because people are talking about my phone calls! Have you got a bleedin' license to do this?

Smith's lyrics include the lines "How dare you assume I want to parlez-vous with you / Gretchen Franklin, nosey matron thing...".

Gretchen Franklin Gretchen Franklin (7 July 1911 – 11 July 2005) was an English actress and dancer with a career in show business spanning over 70 years. She was born in Covent Garden, Central London. She played Ethel Skinner in the long-running BBC 1 soap o ...

was the actress playing the part of Ethel Skinner, an elderly

busybody A busybody, do-gooder, meddler, or marplot is someone who meddles in the affairs of others. An early study of the type was made by the ancient Greek philosopher Theophrastus in his typology, ''Characters'', "In the proffered services of the bus ...

in the

BBC TV BBC Television is a service of the BBC. The corporation has operated a public broadcast television service in the United Kingdom, under the terms of a royal charter, since 1927. It produced television programmes from its own studios from 19 ...

soap opera A soap opera, or ''soap'' for short, is a typically long-running radio or television serial, frequently characterized by melodrama, ensemble casts, and sentimentality. The term "soap opera" originated from radio dramas originally being sponsored ...

'' EastEnders''. Smith claimed:

I thought I'd made up that name. Coldcut and
Craig Leon Craig Leon (born 7 January 1952) is an American-born record producer, composer and arranger currently living in England.International Who’s Who in Classical Music 2005'', Routledge, 2005. Leon was instrumental in launching the careers of many ...
were going to me 'That's a great name to make up, Gretchen Franklin', it just came out of nowhere. And then I was watching ''EastEnders'' and ... it was terrible! Maybe she'll be flattered, you usually find people are flattered. I don't even watch fucking ''EastEnders''. I hate it! It must've just lodged there somewhere, out of the blue. It's subliminal - I've nothing against her - I can't even remember what she looks like now.... OH NO! It's not the woman with the dog is it? It's not!

As well as being released as a single and on the album ''Extricate'', the song featured on several live albums by the Fall.

Legacy

James Murphy paid tribute to the song by using the phrase "I'm tapped" on the

LCD Soundsystem LCD Soundsystem is an American rock band from Brooklyn, New York, formed in 2002 by James Murphy, co-founder of DFA Records. The band comprises Murphy (vocals, various instruments), Nancy Whang (synthesizer, keyboards, vocals), Pat Mahoney ( ...

song "

Movement Movement may refer to: Common uses * Movement (clockwork), the internal mechanism of a timepiece * Motion, commonly referred to as movement Arts, entertainment, and media Literature * "Movement" (short story), a short story by Nancy Fu ...

", copying Smith's pronunciation ("tapped-uh").

References

{{Authority control The Fall (band) songs 1990 singles 1990 songs Songs written by Mark E. Smith