Shalom bayit () (also sholom bayit or shlom bayit, or (Yiddish) sholom bayis or shlom bayis) is the Jewish religious concept of domestic harmony and good relations between husband and wife. In a Jewish court of law, ''shalom bayit'' is the Hebrew term for marital reconciliation.

Origin of term

The term ''sh'lom beto'' () is found in the Talmud regarding domestic peace in general. Nowadays, it is mostly used regarding matrimonial peace.

As a Jewish value

Throughout the history of the Jewish people, Jews have held an ideal standard for Jewish family life that is manifested in the term ''shalom bayit''. ''Shalom bayit'' signifies completeness, wholeness, and fulfillment. Hence, the traditional Jewish marriage is characterized by peace, nurturing, respect, and ''

chesed ( he, חֶסֶד, also Romanized: ) is a Hebrew word that means 'kindness or love between people', specifically of the devotional piety of people towards God as well as of love or mercy of God towards humanity. It is frequently used in Psalms i ...

'' (roughly meaning ''kindness'', more accurately ''loving-kindness''), through which a married couple becomes complete. It is believed that God's presence dwells in a pure and loving home In Jewish culture, a marriage is described as a "match made in heaven," and is treated as a holy enterprise. For example, the Jewish betrothal ceremony is referred to in classical rabbinic literature as ''Kiddushin'' (meaning ''hallowing'' / ''sanctification'' / ''consecration''). By declaring the marriage union sacred, a couple stands sanctified before God. It is in a relationship where both husband and wife recognize each other as creations in God's image and treat each other accordingly that true sanctity emanates forth. Moreover, this sanctity of the marital union reminds the Jewish husband and wife to express their holiness through marriage and to build a home based on mutual love, respect, and chesed.

In practice

The greatest praise the Talmudic rabbis offered to any woman was that given to a wife that fulfils the wishes of her husband. The husband too was expected to love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her ''more'' than he honours himself; indeed, one who honours his wife was said, by the classical rabbis, to be rewarded with wealth.''

Baba Metzia Bava Metzia ( Talmudic Aramaic: בָּבָא מְצִיעָא, "The Middle Gate") is the second of the first three Talmudic tractates in the order of Nezikin ("Damages"), the other two being Bava Kamma and Bava Batra. Originally all three formed ...

'' 59b Similarly, a husband was expected to discuss with his wife any worldly matters that might arise in his life.

Tough love Tough love is the act of treating a person sternly or harshly with the intent to help them in the long run. Description Bill Milliken described tough love through the expression, "I don't care how this makes you feel toward me. You may hate m ...

was frowned upon; the Talmud forbids a husband from being overbearing to his household, and

domestic abuse Domestic violence (also known as domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse that occurs in a domestic setting, such as in a marriage or cohabitation. ''Domestic violence'' is often used as a synonym for ''intimate partner v ...

by him was also condemned. It was said of a wife that ''God counts her tears''.

In the Midrash

In Jewish thought and law, domestic harmony is an important goal; to this end, an early midrash argues that a wife should not leave the home ''too frequently''. The goal may even warrant engaging in a "

white lie A lie is an assertion that is believed to be false, typically used with the purpose of deceiving or misleading someone. The practice of communicating lies is called lying. A person who communicates a lie may be termed a liar. Lies can be inte ...

". According to the Talmud, when God tells Sarah she will give birth to a son, she expresses disbelief, saying: "After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my husband being old also?" But when God speaks to

Abraham Abraham, ; ar, , , name=, group= (originally Abram) is the common Hebrew patriarch of the Abrahamic religions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. In Judaism, he is the founding father of the special relationship between the Jews ...

, he says: "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?" (Genesis: 18:12-13). The rabbis comment that God omitted Sarah's mention of Abraham's age out of concern for their ''shalom bayit''.

References

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